I've read all of these comments and realize how many of the same fears we share. When I first thought of asking this question, my long-held fears popped up immediately: the dark, rats, crossing bridges over water, heights. These are not crippling but they have the power to be. Their power over me increases when I am anxious about other things. I have a powerful and visual imagination that can work against me when confronted with one of these things that scare me. I am not a fan of horror movies or stories.
Then there are the big things: loss, death, aging in America, my late-to-arrive understanding that the world can be horrible, humans are limited creatures, and our tendency for self-destruction has threaded throughout history. And my overall helplessness in the face of it all. Oddly, I think that last part is the thing that helps me most. I spend a lot of time visiting the worst that can happen in my imagination and realize all over again that so much of what will transpire is outside of my control. The only response that makes any sense is to keep moving, gently, and do no harm. Hugging the dogs and those I love helps. So does making contact with people who are kind, surprising, and open-hearted - online, face-to-face, on the phone. Reading, I find, is among the tried and true remedies when I am frightened or feeling useless. I can almost always find something to ground me, distract me, delight me, and restore my love for the world.
I am scared of how quickly you can lose everything. I’m also scared of not appreciating what I have now- not being where my feet are, letting worry, fear, stress, anxiety spoil moments. I’m also scared that I will lose my wonder and feel numb. I’m scared of getting bored.
Fear of numbness -- that reminds me of a time back in my mid-to-late twenties when my depression was such that I sought to feel numb. I went through the actions of my daily life thinking that to be numb was the only way to manage all the worries, stresses, anxieties, loss, and rage that I felt. It was only when I felt like I was suffocating beneath layers and layers of self-imposed numbness that I was so scared I took steps to address my situation.
What scares me most in life is the possible loss of our democracy. It seems the political lunatics have taken over the asylum; the second in line for POTUS is an election denier, as well as a religious zealot who wishes to keep minorities from being an equal partner in our government. If P01135809 wins a future election, our democracy will DIE. I shutter in fear each & every day.
This is scary, Kish. I have to make myself realize that nothing is forever, not countries or political systems. For those of us raised on the idea that democracy is the best system and that the U.S. is where it is practiced best, these past years have been really sad and frightening. I have to think that although humans can bring themselves down, they can also bring themselves back up.
Rught now the news scares me. Not just the global unrest and war which is terrible enough, but where we are as a country. I never used to consider the possibility of being shot, or someoneI love being shotso senselessly but now it seems to be much more likely; I know it's not as likely as a car accident but I've already been in three of those (none my fault at all) so I kind of feel immune there (illogical, I know).
But my biggest personal fear is losing my ability to remember and read and write. I saw my mom go through all of that and it terrifies me.
I don't dwell on these fears, though. I just acknowledge them and try to stay here in the moment and be grateful for my health and for all the blessings I have.
Guns never used to terrify me. They, or rather the powers that have put hundreds of guns in the hands of a few and will not take any responsibility, do scare me now. I never used to worry about gathering in crowds and I certainly never worried about sending my son to school. I ache for all those who have lost people to the minority's greed and slavishness to an industry that looks at the death of our citizens as collateral damage on their way to meeting their profit goals.
I understand very well about the fear of losing mental acuity. When you watch it happen in loved ones, it is earthshaking. The only response is to do what we can to stay healthy and to do as you do: remain in the moment so we can love where we are.
Every year as we head toward the holidays, it seems like my fear of failing as a parent becomes heightened. It goes from being something I actively rebuke to something spiraling out of control, meeting me at every turn.
Oct 28, 2023·edited Oct 29, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Marro
I’m in between fears (both existential and actual) and what’s surprising is how long you can live paralyzed by fear and not make changes to improve your life. You can remain in the same place, spinning in circles, and not moving forward. Fear is both a protector and inhibitor. We just need to decide what is reasonable to avoid and what monsters our own imaginations conjure. It’s hard to know sometimes when you’re in that blackness of fear.
I think there is a time for RISK, and a time to run to your safe space and just live within that cocoon of safety. Additionally, risk is easier if your responsibility is restricted to your own person. Otherwise you may cause great harm to others who may rely upon you for their very livelihood. I do equate risky behavior with living a life to the fullest; without risk our lives move towards dull and repetitive action. But as someone once said, there is a season for living dangerously: you are the only one who can define that season.
I am thinking about your last line -- about each person defining the season for personal risk. You are right, risky behavior has the power to hurt others who depend on us -- I have often wondered that my decision to take on certain responsibilities early in life was a way to avoid/manage risk. I think, too, there are degrees of risk. Without some degree of risk, you are right, it is hard to fully experience life or to grow. Your comment is making me wonder if my season for risk -- or at least a degree of risk -- is over or if it still lies ahead.
This is the worst fear and struggle. So much depends on health and conditions over which we have little control. I'm thinking of you and the many others you mention so generously in your response to OLO Bunny/aka Kevin.
How can I reply ‘LIKE’ to such a post as Sandra’s when I want to rob a few millionaire and billionaire bank accounts to help her and others forced to live hand to mouth by the corrupt economic system we share? It is a fear no one should have to live with.🐰
Oh thank you so much! At least I know I have plenty of company in this particular misery! So many people are living in their cars, or in tents. I'm not one of them, and I know I'm better off.
President Roosevelt’s 1941 State of the Union address proposed four fundamental ‘world’ freedoms: Freedom of speech; Freedom of worship; Freedom from want
and Freedom from fear. I latched onto Roosevelt’s words as a child. I understood them. I am realising as I write these words that I have a story to tell, and will. ‘Fear’ is something I have managed to avoid in the nearly 80 years I have lived. I am one lucky old bunny. We have survived at times because of ‘The kindness of strangers’. In these dark times when fear stalks much of the world, is there really anything for anyone who reads ‘Spark’ to be afraid of? How I wish for a world of strangers right now, and peace, wherever there is conflict. 🐰
Taking things a day at a time seems to be the best and most rational response and knowing we are not alone (I certainly feel that way after reading the comments here) helps enormously.
Not sure when I wrote that, but it remains true with most of my hospice patients regretting not taking more risks with the time they had. We all must be a bit pragmatic, but a favorite quote I love, attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt is, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” I think it means to try something you fear, not like bungee jumping or anything risky, but maybe going to a movie alone, talking to a stranger at a party, trying something new at a restaurant. Those things expand our world even though we give little thought to them. I once had a patient tell me her biggest regret was not being brave enough to move away from her small town for a new job. Our comfort zone is such a safe place we think. But it’s really not true.
I saw that reference in your past comments to Eleanor Roosevelt's advice and it has been rolling around in my brain since. When I find myself retreating from something that seems difficult at the moment I find myself trying to figure out if I am scared or just a little tired. Fatigue, as someone famous said (was it Churchill?) makes cowards of us all. I also find that these moments reacquaint me with my limits and as much as I want to perform well in the eyes of others, I may not be able to do it at that exact moment. This is when I tell myself that there is going to be another chance....
You are so right, comfort zones can quickly become very uncomfortable.
In all honesty, I think my biggest fear is probably other people's judgement, real and imagined. If I'm not careful it can paralyse me, stifle my voice, force me into staying small, playing safe and keeping myself invisible. The other big fear that haunts me is loss. Some days I only have to look at someone or something I love to feel impending dread rising.
I hear you. When I am at my most vulnerable, the fear of being judged rears its head most forcefully. My imagination gives this far more power than it deserves. I notice this fear when I write, when I post something, when I interact or shy away from interacting online, for example.
As for losing the people and things we love -- making peace with this particular fear is the toughest challenge of all. It's so shocking when, in the exact moment of an embrace or joy, I feel the shadow of loss lurking below. I wonder if it is possible to not feel both at the same time?
I've read all of these comments and realize how many of the same fears we share. When I first thought of asking this question, my long-held fears popped up immediately: the dark, rats, crossing bridges over water, heights. These are not crippling but they have the power to be. Their power over me increases when I am anxious about other things. I have a powerful and visual imagination that can work against me when confronted with one of these things that scare me. I am not a fan of horror movies or stories.
Then there are the big things: loss, death, aging in America, my late-to-arrive understanding that the world can be horrible, humans are limited creatures, and our tendency for self-destruction has threaded throughout history. And my overall helplessness in the face of it all. Oddly, I think that last part is the thing that helps me most. I spend a lot of time visiting the worst that can happen in my imagination and realize all over again that so much of what will transpire is outside of my control. The only response that makes any sense is to keep moving, gently, and do no harm. Hugging the dogs and those I love helps. So does making contact with people who are kind, surprising, and open-hearted - online, face-to-face, on the phone. Reading, I find, is among the tried and true remedies when I am frightened or feeling useless. I can almost always find something to ground me, distract me, delight me, and restore my love for the world.
I am scared of how quickly you can lose everything. I’m also scared of not appreciating what I have now- not being where my feet are, letting worry, fear, stress, anxiety spoil moments. I’m also scared that I will lose my wonder and feel numb. I’m scared of getting bored.
Fear of numbness -- that reminds me of a time back in my mid-to-late twenties when my depression was such that I sought to feel numb. I went through the actions of my daily life thinking that to be numb was the only way to manage all the worries, stresses, anxieties, loss, and rage that I felt. It was only when I felt like I was suffocating beneath layers and layers of self-imposed numbness that I was so scared I took steps to address my situation.
What scares me most in life is the possible loss of our democracy. It seems the political lunatics have taken over the asylum; the second in line for POTUS is an election denier, as well as a religious zealot who wishes to keep minorities from being an equal partner in our government. If P01135809 wins a future election, our democracy will DIE. I shutter in fear each & every day.
This is scary, Kish. I have to make myself realize that nothing is forever, not countries or political systems. For those of us raised on the idea that democracy is the best system and that the U.S. is where it is practiced best, these past years have been really sad and frightening. I have to think that although humans can bring themselves down, they can also bring themselves back up.
Rught now the news scares me. Not just the global unrest and war which is terrible enough, but where we are as a country. I never used to consider the possibility of being shot, or someoneI love being shotso senselessly but now it seems to be much more likely; I know it's not as likely as a car accident but I've already been in three of those (none my fault at all) so I kind of feel immune there (illogical, I know).
But my biggest personal fear is losing my ability to remember and read and write. I saw my mom go through all of that and it terrifies me.
I don't dwell on these fears, though. I just acknowledge them and try to stay here in the moment and be grateful for my health and for all the blessings I have.
Guns never used to terrify me. They, or rather the powers that have put hundreds of guns in the hands of a few and will not take any responsibility, do scare me now. I never used to worry about gathering in crowds and I certainly never worried about sending my son to school. I ache for all those who have lost people to the minority's greed and slavishness to an industry that looks at the death of our citizens as collateral damage on their way to meeting their profit goals.
I understand very well about the fear of losing mental acuity. When you watch it happen in loved ones, it is earthshaking. The only response is to do what we can to stay healthy and to do as you do: remain in the moment so we can love where we are.
We're all trying! :)
Every year as we head toward the holidays, it seems like my fear of failing as a parent becomes heightened. It goes from being something I actively rebuke to something spiraling out of control, meeting me at every turn.
That's a big one. And it sounds like the holidays get a little scary as a result. I hope that the upcoming season is good to you..
I’m in between fears (both existential and actual) and what’s surprising is how long you can live paralyzed by fear and not make changes to improve your life. You can remain in the same place, spinning in circles, and not moving forward. Fear is both a protector and inhibitor. We just need to decide what is reasonable to avoid and what monsters our own imaginations conjure. It’s hard to know sometimes when you’re in that blackness of fear.
I think there is a time for RISK, and a time to run to your safe space and just live within that cocoon of safety. Additionally, risk is easier if your responsibility is restricted to your own person. Otherwise you may cause great harm to others who may rely upon you for their very livelihood. I do equate risky behavior with living a life to the fullest; without risk our lives move towards dull and repetitive action. But as someone once said, there is a season for living dangerously: you are the only one who can define that season.
I am thinking about your last line -- about each person defining the season for personal risk. You are right, risky behavior has the power to hurt others who depend on us -- I have often wondered that my decision to take on certain responsibilities early in life was a way to avoid/manage risk. I think, too, there are degrees of risk. Without some degree of risk, you are right, it is hard to fully experience life or to grow. Your comment is making me wonder if my season for risk -- or at least a degree of risk -- is over or if it still lies ahead.
I think I will encourage you (I am also included) to take on "measured" risks.
What scares me is how close to the edge my daughter and I live financially. Always one paycheck away from not being able to pay the mortgage.
This is the worst fear and struggle. So much depends on health and conditions over which we have little control. I'm thinking of you and the many others you mention so generously in your response to OLO Bunny/aka Kevin.
How can I reply ‘LIKE’ to such a post as Sandra’s when I want to rob a few millionaire and billionaire bank accounts to help her and others forced to live hand to mouth by the corrupt economic system we share? It is a fear no one should have to live with.🐰
Oh thank you so much! At least I know I have plenty of company in this particular misery! So many people are living in their cars, or in tents. I'm not one of them, and I know I'm better off.
President Roosevelt’s 1941 State of the Union address proposed four fundamental ‘world’ freedoms: Freedom of speech; Freedom of worship; Freedom from want
and Freedom from fear. I latched onto Roosevelt’s words as a child. I understood them. I am realising as I write these words that I have a story to tell, and will. ‘Fear’ is something I have managed to avoid in the nearly 80 years I have lived. I am one lucky old bunny. We have survived at times because of ‘The kindness of strangers’. In these dark times when fear stalks much of the world, is there really anything for anyone who reads ‘Spark’ to be afraid of? How I wish for a world of strangers right now, and peace, wherever there is conflict. 🐰
Oh, Betsy. So many things scare me. But I am superstitious. If I were to air my fears publicly, they would be more likely to come true.
There is something in that. I've also found that when I articulate my worst fears, they lose a little power over me. Sometimes.
I fear or have felt fear all of the fears voiced in these comments! Reassuring to know that I’m not alone! Thank you! Taking it a day at a time!
Taking things a day at a time seems to be the best and most rational response and knowing we are not alone (I certainly feel that way after reading the comments here) helps enormously.
Not sure when I wrote that, but it remains true with most of my hospice patients regretting not taking more risks with the time they had. We all must be a bit pragmatic, but a favorite quote I love, attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt is, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” I think it means to try something you fear, not like bungee jumping or anything risky, but maybe going to a movie alone, talking to a stranger at a party, trying something new at a restaurant. Those things expand our world even though we give little thought to them. I once had a patient tell me her biggest regret was not being brave enough to move away from her small town for a new job. Our comfort zone is such a safe place we think. But it’s really not true.
I saw that reference in your past comments to Eleanor Roosevelt's advice and it has been rolling around in my brain since. When I find myself retreating from something that seems difficult at the moment I find myself trying to figure out if I am scared or just a little tired. Fatigue, as someone famous said (was it Churchill?) makes cowards of us all. I also find that these moments reacquaint me with my limits and as much as I want to perform well in the eyes of others, I may not be able to do it at that exact moment. This is when I tell myself that there is going to be another chance....
You are so right, comfort zones can quickly become very uncomfortable.
In all honesty, I think my biggest fear is probably other people's judgement, real and imagined. If I'm not careful it can paralyse me, stifle my voice, force me into staying small, playing safe and keeping myself invisible. The other big fear that haunts me is loss. Some days I only have to look at someone or something I love to feel impending dread rising.
I hear you. When I am at my most vulnerable, the fear of being judged rears its head most forcefully. My imagination gives this far more power than it deserves. I notice this fear when I write, when I post something, when I interact or shy away from interacting online, for example.
As for losing the people and things we love -- making peace with this particular fear is the toughest challenge of all. It's so shocking when, in the exact moment of an embrace or joy, I feel the shadow of loss lurking below. I wonder if it is possible to not feel both at the same time?