I, too struggle with the idea of whether some loves are inherently bigger or not. I like Sara's comment regarding influence, but of course that word now comes with the baggage of being linked with Instagram and other social media influencers.
Certainly the excellent Braiding Sweetgrass is a call to arms for us all to influence the lives around us to help support and defend our planet, and what could be bigger than that?
I am rewriting and reworking my own memoir this month, as I finally have a contract with a small publisher for it. I've been told for years, by strangers and friends that my story (traveling thousands of miles on a small sailboat in Mexico during my first two years of marriage) was "worth telling"...Naturally, I wonder daily if anyone will care, and if there's anything to be learned from the pages. Is my life "big" enough to consider it worth sharing? Can a life's importance ever be measured by anyone or anything except those left behind in its wake? (And, judging by the last decade or so of our society trying to find or bringing to light so many stories of people previously ignored by history, is that expectation even any sort of a ruler?)
I don't have any answers, but I suspect that those left behind in my eventual passing will be relatively small in number, as I never had children. That's one reason that "society" or "history" may judge my life as smaller than others, I assume. (As a small press and now freelance editor I have helped birth many a book, but I now see how different that is from the joy and terror of your own book being brought into the world, so that makes me ponder.)
Obviously this post struck a chord! I predict that I and others will be following along with future comments avidly.
So many big and small things to consider. I don’t think I want to live a big or small life. My mom told me the other day that she is content - I loved that. I want to live a full life with gratitude. I also recognize how privileged my life is and I feel like it’s important to think about how we as a society do not have a system that allows all individuals to lead their fullest lives. I think Braiding Sweetgrass speaks to the concept of living with gratitude. Her father pours coffee into the ground to say thank you before consuming. Harvesting is sustainable. Gifts are reciprocal. It’s a recipe for a good life. It’s also a call to change the way we as a society live. Someone posed a question to me the other day about how that book is received by Indigenous readers. If anyone has thoughts or discussion on that, I am curious. It speaks to me, and it spoke to many of the teachers that I did a book club with on it. My students struggle with it a bit. I’m curious how it speaks to others.
I love this question. My first instinct at someone saying they have a big life is to squirm. It feels like something you don’t say about yourself.
But then I think about how, really, we all have big lives if what we mean by “big” is that we all have more and wider influence for good or ill than we think.
Braiding Sweetgrass is one of my favorite books of all time, and in it, she helps the reader to see how much we humans impact the more-than-human world. When I hear your big life question, I first think about resumes and accomplishments, but Kimmerer brings your focus to right under your feet, and in so doing, makes me think that we all have big lives and a responsibility to use them for as much goodness as we can.
No this is just the first pass, in which I was given six weeks to incorporate the editors changes and flesh out some sections she thought needed more life in them. Show don't tell, as I have told my client-authors a million times, hahaha. I am working diligently but still consumed by anxiety...sigh.
Thank you for this. I relate to both Annette and Robert Howard AKA Kevin. I to have medical issues, often leaving me housebound. Books have allowed me to step outside. I enjoyed both reading your post, and the comments/responses. I’ve learned quite a bit from people who never left their town, to people who’ve traveled the world. Everyone has a story to tell, if others would take the time to listen. Thus, the benefits of books. Lily is in my thoughts.
Thank you everyone for putting a good start to Saturday.
My life sadly has become very small . I have a chronic illness that does not allow for much activity at all . So my world has shrunk . If not for my love of reading and a fairly happy disposition most times , I think it would be a small tragedy ( no partner , no kids , friends fallen to the wayside ) . Books and articles like this one expand my world and for that I am eternally grateful .
Such a good subject! I've been working on an essay about a similar thing - what makes a life interesting enough to write about? As a lover of memoir and personal essay, I will go anywhere with you, no matter how boring, if it’s well-written. Some of my favorite writing is about the domestic, the quotidian, the meandering ways that the ordinary among us get through the days. As a writer, though, I struggle sometimes to justify all of my blah blah about a mediocre life. But life is never mediocre! Right? Ugh, you see the struggle.
Funny you should post about You’ve Got Mail because I just watched it again recently. Nora Ephron was so good at writing dialogue and I loved her books, too.
The question of lives and size and how people perceive them is something hospice patients have talked to me about over the years. A lot of older people of course and also those who are younger, but have been sick for a long time, talk about how their world got smaller, but that it had more depth. I think it means they allowed themselves to be vulnerable and let people in. Because they talk a lot about people. In the end, it is always people, pets and memories I hear about. And most memories involve people and relationships both good and bad.
A lot of hospice nurses I have known had a quote they liked by Hunter S. Thompson. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow, What a ride!”
I think they liked this quote because we see so many who say they tiptoed around their lives always thinking they had more time, or others, who had plenty of time, end of life nearing 100, but had many regrets of always playing it safe. Not taking risks. Some define this as keeping their lives small. It’s funny but when I meet them and hear about their lives, I’m always awestruck, because everyone’s life is so interesting to me. What they defined as small wasn’t small at all. At least not to me. It seemed they lived a pretty big life but they were always looking out and beyond, hoping to try this or that. Seeing someone else doing something and thinking, I wish I could do that or be that. I think it’s pretty common. And sometimes it does lead to a life full of discontent.
It’s hard to strike the perfect balance in life. I think just being content is the ticket. By the way, I never loved the Hunter S. Thompson quote. One of my favorite quotes about life is from a book I loved in my twenties by Betty Smith, Joy In The Morning. I loved the simplicity of the main character Annie Brown. The quote I like is this:
“What is the difference between happiness and contentment?”
“Well, happy is like when somebody gives you a big hunk of something wonderful and it’s too big to hold. So you pull off a piece from time to time to hold in your hand. That’s being contented.”
Anyway, great post. It really made me think. Great posts do that.
A book I finished recently was Lessons In Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus. Excellent read. I loved it.
I also read a book called Stone Maidens by Lloyd Devereux Richards. I had read about it due to a TikTok that his daughter posted saying she wished people would read her dad’s book. Well, the video went viral and I thought, I’ll check it out even though I never read this genre and I could not put the book down! It was really good. So this gentleman’s life suddenly got super big due to this. Plus he’s a good writer. People just didn’t know.
Great post. Definitely made me want to re-read (or listen to, which is what I am currently doing with old favorites) the Brodie books. As for the question of big or small lives, I think of myself as being a rather outsized person in what others might see as a small life. I've known what I wanted with my life since I was young, pretty much did it, (professional historian, now in retirement a indie author with over 30 books), I have been with the same partner for over 50 years, have only traveled outside the country once in my 70+ years. Despite being a flower child of the 60s, never did drugs, etc. Yet I've never felt confined, never felt I had to make myself small to fit in, pretty much have done exactly what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And now that I am confined to my home with age related issues (except for a daily walk), through daily posts where I reach out to a large community of people who have read my books, and daily phone calls where I am of service to friends and family, I feel as if I make a big difference in some other people's lives. So, exactly the size of life that makes me happy and content.
To be honest, I’m a bit put off by someone saying they have a big life. Is that code for wealth, travel and possessions or does it mean depth? I personally rate value more in terms of depth than breadth. But that being said, I do feel I live a ‘smaller’ life in retirement. Clearly my decisions no longer impact others in the same way. No staff waiting for direction…dropping the unsolved issues at my door. Children, now adults, who love me but do not need me to navigate the world. It’s a more peaceful stretch with much less stress and minimal anxiety. Still there are days when I feel the urge to make life bigger by committing to more outside myself. But so far the urge is quickly submerged by a good book, an interesting discussion, a day out with friends, time to read the paper slowly over coffee. I guess I haven’t yet resolved how big I want life to be at this stage. Very interesting question though….
First, I'm very sorry to hear that Lily has to undergo further treatment. May it go well for all of you. Second, who measures their lives? I've never given it a thought, and personally, I don't think it's that important. When it comes to the trunk, what do we put into it? As for me, I've had a ton of experiences, both good and bad. But does that make my life big? I've lived in seven states (a couple of them more than once), traveled on three continents, traveled to 48 states (missed Delaware and Rhode Island), multiple countries. But does that make my life big? So many others have traveled more, lived in more countries, more states. I'm proud of my accomplishments, but I don't consider them "big." Big to be would be the genius prize, a nobel prize, the Pulitzer. Big would be solving world hunger, world peace, world housing. So I guess I'm saying my life is smallish, but wouldn't fit into a paper bag.
I finished "Horse" by Geraldine Brooks this week, and I recommend it to everyone unless you can't stand multiple points of view, or different points in time. Personally, I think Brooks handles these changes seamlessly, and I loved loved loved the book.
Currently reading "The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Man: A Memoir" about Paul Newman. I'm enjoying it so far (more than halfway through).
I, too struggle with the idea of whether some loves are inherently bigger or not. I like Sara's comment regarding influence, but of course that word now comes with the baggage of being linked with Instagram and other social media influencers.
Certainly the excellent Braiding Sweetgrass is a call to arms for us all to influence the lives around us to help support and defend our planet, and what could be bigger than that?
I am rewriting and reworking my own memoir this month, as I finally have a contract with a small publisher for it. I've been told for years, by strangers and friends that my story (traveling thousands of miles on a small sailboat in Mexico during my first two years of marriage) was "worth telling"...Naturally, I wonder daily if anyone will care, and if there's anything to be learned from the pages. Is my life "big" enough to consider it worth sharing? Can a life's importance ever be measured by anyone or anything except those left behind in its wake? (And, judging by the last decade or so of our society trying to find or bringing to light so many stories of people previously ignored by history, is that expectation even any sort of a ruler?)
I don't have any answers, but I suspect that those left behind in my eventual passing will be relatively small in number, as I never had children. That's one reason that "society" or "history" may judge my life as smaller than others, I assume. (As a small press and now freelance editor I have helped birth many a book, but I now see how different that is from the joy and terror of your own book being brought into the world, so that makes me ponder.)
Obviously this post struck a chord! I predict that I and others will be following along with future comments avidly.
So many big and small things to consider. I don’t think I want to live a big or small life. My mom told me the other day that she is content - I loved that. I want to live a full life with gratitude. I also recognize how privileged my life is and I feel like it’s important to think about how we as a society do not have a system that allows all individuals to lead their fullest lives. I think Braiding Sweetgrass speaks to the concept of living with gratitude. Her father pours coffee into the ground to say thank you before consuming. Harvesting is sustainable. Gifts are reciprocal. It’s a recipe for a good life. It’s also a call to change the way we as a society live. Someone posed a question to me the other day about how that book is received by Indigenous readers. If anyone has thoughts or discussion on that, I am curious. It speaks to me, and it spoke to many of the teachers that I did a book club with on it. My students struggle with it a bit. I’m curious how it speaks to others.
I love this question. My first instinct at someone saying they have a big life is to squirm. It feels like something you don’t say about yourself.
But then I think about how, really, we all have big lives if what we mean by “big” is that we all have more and wider influence for good or ill than we think.
Braiding Sweetgrass is one of my favorite books of all time, and in it, she helps the reader to see how much we humans impact the more-than-human world. When I hear your big life question, I first think about resumes and accomplishments, but Kimmerer brings your focus to right under your feet, and in so doing, makes me think that we all have big lives and a responsibility to use them for as much goodness as we can.
No this is just the first pass, in which I was given six weeks to incorporate the editors changes and flesh out some sections she thought needed more life in them. Show don't tell, as I have told my client-authors a million times, hahaha. I am working diligently but still consumed by anxiety...sigh.
Thank you for this. I relate to both Annette and Robert Howard AKA Kevin. I to have medical issues, often leaving me housebound. Books have allowed me to step outside. I enjoyed both reading your post, and the comments/responses. I’ve learned quite a bit from people who never left their town, to people who’ve traveled the world. Everyone has a story to tell, if others would take the time to listen. Thus, the benefits of books. Lily is in my thoughts.
Thank you everyone for putting a good start to Saturday.
My life sadly has become very small . I have a chronic illness that does not allow for much activity at all . So my world has shrunk . If not for my love of reading and a fairly happy disposition most times , I think it would be a small tragedy ( no partner , no kids , friends fallen to the wayside ) . Books and articles like this one expand my world and for that I am eternally grateful .
Also rooting for Lily and sending you strength and...can that birdhouse go outside and if so, where can I learn to make one?
Such a good subject! I've been working on an essay about a similar thing - what makes a life interesting enough to write about? As a lover of memoir and personal essay, I will go anywhere with you, no matter how boring, if it’s well-written. Some of my favorite writing is about the domestic, the quotidian, the meandering ways that the ordinary among us get through the days. As a writer, though, I struggle sometimes to justify all of my blah blah about a mediocre life. But life is never mediocre! Right? Ugh, you see the struggle.
Praying for Lily ❤️ She’s beautiful.
Funny you should post about You’ve Got Mail because I just watched it again recently. Nora Ephron was so good at writing dialogue and I loved her books, too.
The question of lives and size and how people perceive them is something hospice patients have talked to me about over the years. A lot of older people of course and also those who are younger, but have been sick for a long time, talk about how their world got smaller, but that it had more depth. I think it means they allowed themselves to be vulnerable and let people in. Because they talk a lot about people. In the end, it is always people, pets and memories I hear about. And most memories involve people and relationships both good and bad.
A lot of hospice nurses I have known had a quote they liked by Hunter S. Thompson. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow, What a ride!”
I think they liked this quote because we see so many who say they tiptoed around their lives always thinking they had more time, or others, who had plenty of time, end of life nearing 100, but had many regrets of always playing it safe. Not taking risks. Some define this as keeping their lives small. It’s funny but when I meet them and hear about their lives, I’m always awestruck, because everyone’s life is so interesting to me. What they defined as small wasn’t small at all. At least not to me. It seemed they lived a pretty big life but they were always looking out and beyond, hoping to try this or that. Seeing someone else doing something and thinking, I wish I could do that or be that. I think it’s pretty common. And sometimes it does lead to a life full of discontent.
It’s hard to strike the perfect balance in life. I think just being content is the ticket. By the way, I never loved the Hunter S. Thompson quote. One of my favorite quotes about life is from a book I loved in my twenties by Betty Smith, Joy In The Morning. I loved the simplicity of the main character Annie Brown. The quote I like is this:
“What is the difference between happiness and contentment?”
“Well, happy is like when somebody gives you a big hunk of something wonderful and it’s too big to hold. So you pull off a piece from time to time to hold in your hand. That’s being contented.”
Anyway, great post. It really made me think. Great posts do that.
A book I finished recently was Lessons In Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus. Excellent read. I loved it.
I also read a book called Stone Maidens by Lloyd Devereux Richards. I had read about it due to a TikTok that his daughter posted saying she wished people would read her dad’s book. Well, the video went viral and I thought, I’ll check it out even though I never read this genre and I could not put the book down! It was really good. So this gentleman’s life suddenly got super big due to this. Plus he’s a good writer. People just didn’t know.
Life is funny that way.
Great post. Definitely made me want to re-read (or listen to, which is what I am currently doing with old favorites) the Brodie books. As for the question of big or small lives, I think of myself as being a rather outsized person in what others might see as a small life. I've known what I wanted with my life since I was young, pretty much did it, (professional historian, now in retirement a indie author with over 30 books), I have been with the same partner for over 50 years, have only traveled outside the country once in my 70+ years. Despite being a flower child of the 60s, never did drugs, etc. Yet I've never felt confined, never felt I had to make myself small to fit in, pretty much have done exactly what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And now that I am confined to my home with age related issues (except for a daily walk), through daily posts where I reach out to a large community of people who have read my books, and daily phone calls where I am of service to friends and family, I feel as if I make a big difference in some other people's lives. So, exactly the size of life that makes me happy and content.
To be honest, I’m a bit put off by someone saying they have a big life. Is that code for wealth, travel and possessions or does it mean depth? I personally rate value more in terms of depth than breadth. But that being said, I do feel I live a ‘smaller’ life in retirement. Clearly my decisions no longer impact others in the same way. No staff waiting for direction…dropping the unsolved issues at my door. Children, now adults, who love me but do not need me to navigate the world. It’s a more peaceful stretch with much less stress and minimal anxiety. Still there are days when I feel the urge to make life bigger by committing to more outside myself. But so far the urge is quickly submerged by a good book, an interesting discussion, a day out with friends, time to read the paper slowly over coffee. I guess I haven’t yet resolved how big I want life to be at this stage. Very interesting question though….
I have never given any thought to the concept of a big or small life. I would say my life is just the right size for me.
First, I'm very sorry to hear that Lily has to undergo further treatment. May it go well for all of you. Second, who measures their lives? I've never given it a thought, and personally, I don't think it's that important. When it comes to the trunk, what do we put into it? As for me, I've had a ton of experiences, both good and bad. But does that make my life big? I've lived in seven states (a couple of them more than once), traveled on three continents, traveled to 48 states (missed Delaware and Rhode Island), multiple countries. But does that make my life big? So many others have traveled more, lived in more countries, more states. I'm proud of my accomplishments, but I don't consider them "big." Big to be would be the genius prize, a nobel prize, the Pulitzer. Big would be solving world hunger, world peace, world housing. So I guess I'm saying my life is smallish, but wouldn't fit into a paper bag.
I finished "Horse" by Geraldine Brooks this week, and I recommend it to everyone unless you can't stand multiple points of view, or different points in time. Personally, I think Brooks handles these changes seamlessly, and I loved loved loved the book.
Currently reading "The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Man: A Memoir" about Paul Newman. I'm enjoying it so far (more than halfway through).
Great post, Elizabeth, lots to think about.
So true... Thanks for the encouragement!
HERE IS A HAIKU
SPARKLING ( R.R)
YOU ARRIVE SO ALIVE
THE FULL MOON'S ASTONISHED.
A GLOW CLAIMS THE WORLD.