When the middle happens, depends on the trajectory of your early life. I didn't marry until age 36, and I wandered through most of my 20s. So I was just embarking on child-raising in my late 30s and early 40s. Traditionally, at least, when I was young, 40 was the beginning of the middle years or the midlife. That is probably still true, but it extends now all the way to age 60 I would say. People don't like to call themselves old until after 65. Often not even then. My mid life was indeed a blur, full of activities with my children, my job, and caring for an aging parent. We had a grand birthday party for my 50th, but I don't recall anything about my 60th birthday. A little joke: my husband announced to the assembled group at my birthday party that I had just passed a huge milestone. The room roared.
Now I am 70. And definitely in the last third or less of my life. There is much that is unpredictable about this period of our lives. We don't know what will happen with our health and so that leads to unpredictable financial situation's, job situations, etc. If I had any words of advice to give young people, it would be these two: 1st, take time to do the things you enjoy. If you want to go on trips, do it now, while you have your health. Second, save money. Put it into your budget. These are the prime years for saving for retirement and if you don't do it now it won't happen later. Third, don't focus on your career. It is of ephemeral value, and family and experience are much more important. If you don't spend your way into heavy debt, that's all to the good.
If you haven't run across this yet, Julia Louis-Dreyfus has a new podcast, Wiser than Me, and in the first interview with Jane Fonda, Fonda talked about her life in 3 stages, seeing 60 as the beginning of the 3rd stage. Great interview, and that, plus Lisa's essay had me thinking about what I see as turning points in my own journey. Certainly when I turned 33, with completion of my PhD, birth of my child and starting my first teaching job, I definitely felt like I had reached the end of my youth. But it was 39, when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, got the job that would become my career for the next 20 years, and wrote the book that would become the basis for my retirement career that, in my mind, marked the beginning of my middle age. Then, at 59, retired, publishing that long ago written book, having my first grandchild, I can definitely say I felt I was leaving the middle years and starting into that third stage of life. I must say (for those of you in the middle) this third stage, while marked by yearly increases in the physical problems, has been more than compensated by the exhilaration of embarking on a second career unencumbered by financial demands and in complete control of my life and my work as an indie author. So, hang in there!
I read this, loved it, burst into tears, dried my eyes and said wtf! the idea of middle is new to me. And then I laughed because pretty sure mine is under the bed or stuffed in the back of the closet in the "surely I can wear this again someday" heap. Also pretty sure I misplaced my middle when I grabbed onto a lot of new: A new career at age 54, and starting my own business built around new skills. My son was in high school which meant the new parenting of a teen. My husband had just returned from working two years away from home so we had some relationship-shifting newness to face. I look back now, nine years later and it is the biggest blur of my life: like a smudge on a mirror when I try to see myself. I can see I'm there, but whoever that is looking back at me seems very different. So maybe I didn't lose my middle; maybe it just doesn't fit anymore. Maybe I can only recognize her for who she was/still is once I'm brave enough to haul that heap of my favorite forties out of the closet and send it to the thrift store.
I've passed midlife and am now in the last quarter. I'm assuming I won't go much past 100, though things have changed. When I began midlife (defined as age 35 at that time), I didn't expect to live past 70. When I developed heart disease at age 40, I thought I'd die at 42 like my dad. At 55 I had heart failure and was told by my doctor I had maybe five years to live. I retired, and here I am at 79, still going strong. I did indeed have a "long middle." Could have used a newsletter like Lisa Renee's back then! So glad it's here now for all those on that journey.
I've been wondering lately where I'm at in the downward slope of life. I'm 57 and it doesn't feel like the "middle" any longer. Both my husband and I have lost both parents, one of our kids is close to his mid 30s while the other is in his very late 20s and wow, am I ever lurching from health problem to another (20+ years of rheumatoid arthritis takes its toll). On days where I feel good, I feel invincible and take full advantage of the extra energy. On those not so great feeling days, I dread feeling like this all the time. But mostly, I keep my chin up, expectations in check and try to enjoy the ride I have left.
I'm pretty sure my middle point came when my mom had a stroke at the very end of 2011. I was 50, and virtually unencumbered by caring for anyone except myself and my husband to that point in my life. Boat dwellers, we had been traveling until 2000, when I took a corporate editing job. That ended in 2011, too, when I quit and launched myself into the freelance editing world, which was scary but has been fulfilling and rewarding in so many ways, the least of them financial. If I live to be over 100 (my dad is sharp and healthy at 90 so I am hopeful) , I'll know I was right about the year 2011!
Love Lisa's words on midlife, though I just want to say - I am that 'someone with no kids and a fulfilling job' but I most definitely did not cruise through my forties! They began with infertility, grief and existential crisis (being unable to visualise growing older without another generation coming through) and ended with the rollercoaster of peri-menopause. However I also see midlife as a potent portal of transformation and am just writing a post on this myself, ahead of my 50th birthday next month. Great to discover your writing here ❤
I, too, am rejecting the idea of narrative thirds. My life is not a three-act play; it’s much stranger and far more unpredictable. Although I want to wisely plan for potential later years (I’m now in my 50s), I know such years aren’t guaranteed. Who knows when the final curtain will fall? With that in mind, I’m really doing some soul searching these days and trying to live each day to the fullest.
When the middle happens, depends on the trajectory of your early life. I didn't marry until age 36, and I wandered through most of my 20s. So I was just embarking on child-raising in my late 30s and early 40s. Traditionally, at least, when I was young, 40 was the beginning of the middle years or the midlife. That is probably still true, but it extends now all the way to age 60 I would say. People don't like to call themselves old until after 65. Often not even then. My mid life was indeed a blur, full of activities with my children, my job, and caring for an aging parent. We had a grand birthday party for my 50th, but I don't recall anything about my 60th birthday. A little joke: my husband announced to the assembled group at my birthday party that I had just passed a huge milestone. The room roared.
Now I am 70. And definitely in the last third or less of my life. There is much that is unpredictable about this period of our lives. We don't know what will happen with our health and so that leads to unpredictable financial situation's, job situations, etc. If I had any words of advice to give young people, it would be these two: 1st, take time to do the things you enjoy. If you want to go on trips, do it now, while you have your health. Second, save money. Put it into your budget. These are the prime years for saving for retirement and if you don't do it now it won't happen later. Third, don't focus on your career. It is of ephemeral value, and family and experience are much more important. If you don't spend your way into heavy debt, that's all to the good.
If you haven't run across this yet, Julia Louis-Dreyfus has a new podcast, Wiser than Me, and in the first interview with Jane Fonda, Fonda talked about her life in 3 stages, seeing 60 as the beginning of the 3rd stage. Great interview, and that, plus Lisa's essay had me thinking about what I see as turning points in my own journey. Certainly when I turned 33, with completion of my PhD, birth of my child and starting my first teaching job, I definitely felt like I had reached the end of my youth. But it was 39, when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, got the job that would become my career for the next 20 years, and wrote the book that would become the basis for my retirement career that, in my mind, marked the beginning of my middle age. Then, at 59, retired, publishing that long ago written book, having my first grandchild, I can definitely say I felt I was leaving the middle years and starting into that third stage of life. I must say (for those of you in the middle) this third stage, while marked by yearly increases in the physical problems, has been more than compensated by the exhilaration of embarking on a second career unencumbered by financial demands and in complete control of my life and my work as an indie author. So, hang in there!
I read this, loved it, burst into tears, dried my eyes and said wtf! the idea of middle is new to me. And then I laughed because pretty sure mine is under the bed or stuffed in the back of the closet in the "surely I can wear this again someday" heap. Also pretty sure I misplaced my middle when I grabbed onto a lot of new: A new career at age 54, and starting my own business built around new skills. My son was in high school which meant the new parenting of a teen. My husband had just returned from working two years away from home so we had some relationship-shifting newness to face. I look back now, nine years later and it is the biggest blur of my life: like a smudge on a mirror when I try to see myself. I can see I'm there, but whoever that is looking back at me seems very different. So maybe I didn't lose my middle; maybe it just doesn't fit anymore. Maybe I can only recognize her for who she was/still is once I'm brave enough to haul that heap of my favorite forties out of the closet and send it to the thrift store.
I've passed midlife and am now in the last quarter. I'm assuming I won't go much past 100, though things have changed. When I began midlife (defined as age 35 at that time), I didn't expect to live past 70. When I developed heart disease at age 40, I thought I'd die at 42 like my dad. At 55 I had heart failure and was told by my doctor I had maybe five years to live. I retired, and here I am at 79, still going strong. I did indeed have a "long middle." Could have used a newsletter like Lisa Renee's back then! So glad it's here now for all those on that journey.
I've been wondering lately where I'm at in the downward slope of life. I'm 57 and it doesn't feel like the "middle" any longer. Both my husband and I have lost both parents, one of our kids is close to his mid 30s while the other is in his very late 20s and wow, am I ever lurching from health problem to another (20+ years of rheumatoid arthritis takes its toll). On days where I feel good, I feel invincible and take full advantage of the extra energy. On those not so great feeling days, I dread feeling like this all the time. But mostly, I keep my chin up, expectations in check and try to enjoy the ride I have left.
I'm pretty sure my middle point came when my mom had a stroke at the very end of 2011. I was 50, and virtually unencumbered by caring for anyone except myself and my husband to that point in my life. Boat dwellers, we had been traveling until 2000, when I took a corporate editing job. That ended in 2011, too, when I quit and launched myself into the freelance editing world, which was scary but has been fulfilling and rewarding in so many ways, the least of them financial. If I live to be over 100 (my dad is sharp and healthy at 90 so I am hopeful) , I'll know I was right about the year 2011!
Love Lisa's words on midlife, though I just want to say - I am that 'someone with no kids and a fulfilling job' but I most definitely did not cruise through my forties! They began with infertility, grief and existential crisis (being unable to visualise growing older without another generation coming through) and ended with the rollercoaster of peri-menopause. However I also see midlife as a potent portal of transformation and am just writing a post on this myself, ahead of my 50th birthday next month. Great to discover your writing here ❤
I, too, am rejecting the idea of narrative thirds. My life is not a three-act play; it’s much stranger and far more unpredictable. Although I want to wisely plan for potential later years (I’m now in my 50s), I know such years aren’t guaranteed. Who knows when the final curtain will fall? With that in mind, I’m really doing some soul searching these days and trying to live each day to the fullest.
Love this piece. It made me think about lots moments in my life.
This is a fantastic piece that resonated deeply with this 54-year-old. Thanks, Lisa and Betsy!