There’s nothing to deduce from my body. Despite how I might feel I treat myself, I’m well cared for. My c section scar and belly are testament to the two beautiful human I birthed. All things considered, pretty good. Maybe I’ll do a deeper dive. This is interesting. But as someone who does do autopsies, the real story is on the inside. How do the lungs look? Emphysema? Cancer? Is the heart enlarged? Fatty liver?
In the course of writing a story and thinking about their society, I’ve imagined what they believe about getting older. I think you become more and more yourself. You get closer and closer until there’s nothing to say, just to be.
Sounds like there's a lot more than "nothing" - even healthy bodies have lots of good stories to tell (and to hide).
But I really love your second paragraph. I think you are right. If we are lucky enough to grow old, we do have a shot at becoming "more and more" ourselves. I love the idea that I'm getting closer to that with each passing year. It makes them easier to bear.
Thanks! I will be chewing on this line for awhile, "... the body is our partner in the world. Our bodies shape our lives and our lives leave tracks on our bodies." My partner.
I bought Sandra Butler’s ‘The Kitchen is Closed...’ yesterday after reading parts of her essay to my wife, which we could both identify with. At 71, my body began to crumble seven years ago. It will go to the local medical school when it finally expires. I have four artificial parts in me, plus parts of a Californian cow and a Argentinian cow. My lungs are monitored remotely using a gizmo with help from Bluetooth. My body amazes me more the older I get and I am happier with it than I have ever been. Robert 🐰
Two different cows???? Wow. And the Bluetooth monitoring is also amazing. But the sentence I love best here is "My body amazes me the older I get and I am happier than I have ever been." Thank you for that!
Okay, I’m back. Sandra Butler’s ‘The Kitchen is Closed’ arrived today and I am on page 3. SB is talking about the steps she tries to do each day and writes ‘My body is moving along to the end, and I’m inside it, trying to be a friendly caretaker’. Applause fills my head. I had decided to highlight in yellow the bits I recognise as me, and a 78 year old bloke at that, but at this rate it will be the whole bloody book! And before you say ‘Oh no you won’t, I have been through childbirth and had night sweats. I jest not! Thank you Betsy, this has to be the best ‘Spark’ yet - Robert 🐰
Also, I’m reading the fantastic new book by Alejandro Varela, “The Town of Babylon.” It was recommended by Alexander Chee in his association with Boxwalla, a cool book subscription company.
I know nothing about Boxwalla and will check it out. I will also check out "The Town of Babylon" -- this reminds me, you've mentioned other wonderful and new books (to me) in past comments. I'm going to go back and collect them all to share with others. Thank you!
I feel very disconnected from my body given the weight I’ve put on in the last ten years. I don’t recognize myself, but I loathe my own loathing more than my body itself. I feel tired and bewildered by the changes, and while I’m mindful of the incredible service that my body has performed, particularly as a caregiver, it’s appearance seems like a betrayal.
Elizabeth, I'm struck by how you are able to observe your disconnection and, all the while, remain mindful of how your body continues to perform, to serve you and others. Perhaps it is not helpful but I want to say that having met you in person and read your writing, your beauty and strength shimmers in real life and on the page, perhaps because of all the disparate feelings and insights you are able to grasp at once. Wherever you are on this journey with your body, it's not over yet. I wish you both love, health, peace.
I recommend reading the Penny books in order, since the characters in Three Pines evolve in ways that change your feelings about them from novel to novel. Last great novel I've read: "Foolscap (the Stages of Love)" by Michael Malone, a great sendup of English departments and the literary world in general. Best nature book ever: "H is for Hawk" by Helen MacDonald. Riveting.
Excellent suggestion. I just finished "Still Life" and I can see how each of the characters are just beginning to unfold by the end of the book.
I will add the Malone book and MacDonald book to my list and also share them with the others. I've been collecting notes for a newsletter/post about nature writing. "H is for Hawk" will be added.
Hi Betsy, loved this Spark. But then, I love all of them. So much info and interesting observations you make. And always the books. About my body: while in Maui last week, I got a tattoo--a fancy ampersand on the inside of my left forearm and in a couple of weeks I'm going to a Bodywriting retreat in Texas where I'll slather my body with paint and imprint it on a life-size canvas. This will be my fourth body-printing experience.
Did you happen to see the film, "Good Luck to You, Leo Grande"? Near the end, Helen Mirren stands naked before a full-length mirror and gazes at her body. For days after I saw the film, I found myself standing before my full-length mirror, gazing at my body in this way--interested, not critical; noticing.
As for books I'm reading: Today I'm going to The Book Catapult to pick up a copy of "Braiding Sweetgrass," by Robin Wall Kimmerer. I started reading it on the plane trip home from Maui, but I found it just too beautiful to read on my iPad and find I want to hold the actual book in my hands--a more intimate way of reading this beautiful book about the natural world, the language of plants.
Interesting that you chose the body scan for this week's missive. I was just last week thinking about my own body and the stories it could tell, thinking of writing poems on this topic. I was imagining my body as a toddler, still unscarred, but not unscathed. And about how now, my body is on my mind more than anything else, thanks to constant pain. Not to focus on the pain, but to focus on the body and its stories.
There is nothing like pain to bring the body into sharper focus but it can also shift attention away from the important stories. Sounds as though you understand that. I'm looking forward to reading the poems that come out of this for you.
Once again you bring worthy contemplations to my weekends - thanks, Betsy! I agree with Joyce regarding the killer line that will shape my thoughts for awhile -
I suspect your 70-year-old self will laugh her ass off at at those insecurities. That is not meant to be at all snarky. I've realized as I edge past my mid-60s that the things that mattered even five years ago, have receded in importance while totally unexpected things have finally resolved (a bra that fits, learning how to use makeup even minimally) when the importance of either is questionable. It feels like a huge practical joke but it's also okay and doing what feels good without excuses also feels good.
Good timing. Husband and I just sent papers to donate our bodies to the medical school at Missouri university.
And now students will be reading your stories as they learn. That's a wonderful thing you've done!
There’s nothing to deduce from my body. Despite how I might feel I treat myself, I’m well cared for. My c section scar and belly are testament to the two beautiful human I birthed. All things considered, pretty good. Maybe I’ll do a deeper dive. This is interesting. But as someone who does do autopsies, the real story is on the inside. How do the lungs look? Emphysema? Cancer? Is the heart enlarged? Fatty liver?
In the course of writing a story and thinking about their society, I’ve imagined what they believe about getting older. I think you become more and more yourself. You get closer and closer until there’s nothing to say, just to be.
Sounds like there's a lot more than "nothing" - even healthy bodies have lots of good stories to tell (and to hide).
But I really love your second paragraph. I think you are right. If we are lucky enough to grow old, we do have a shot at becoming "more and more" ourselves. I love the idea that I'm getting closer to that with each passing year. It makes them easier to bear.
Thanks! I will be chewing on this line for awhile, "... the body is our partner in the world. Our bodies shape our lives and our lives leave tracks on our bodies." My partner.
You're welcome. I wish you and your partner health and peace.
I bought Sandra Butler’s ‘The Kitchen is Closed...’ yesterday after reading parts of her essay to my wife, which we could both identify with. At 71, my body began to crumble seven years ago. It will go to the local medical school when it finally expires. I have four artificial parts in me, plus parts of a Californian cow and a Argentinian cow. My lungs are monitored remotely using a gizmo with help from Bluetooth. My body amazes me more the older I get and I am happier with it than I have ever been. Robert 🐰
Two different cows???? Wow. And the Bluetooth monitoring is also amazing. But the sentence I love best here is "My body amazes me the older I get and I am happier than I have ever been." Thank you for that!
Okay, I’m back. Sandra Butler’s ‘The Kitchen is Closed’ arrived today and I am on page 3. SB is talking about the steps she tries to do each day and writes ‘My body is moving along to the end, and I’m inside it, trying to be a friendly caretaker’. Applause fills my head. I had decided to highlight in yellow the bits I recognise as me, and a 78 year old bloke at that, but at this rate it will be the whole bloody book! And before you say ‘Oh no you won’t, I have been through childbirth and had night sweats. I jest not! Thank you Betsy, this has to be the best ‘Spark’ yet - Robert 🐰
Also, I’m reading the fantastic new book by Alejandro Varela, “The Town of Babylon.” It was recommended by Alexander Chee in his association with Boxwalla, a cool book subscription company.
I know nothing about Boxwalla and will check it out. I will also check out "The Town of Babylon" -- this reminds me, you've mentioned other wonderful and new books (to me) in past comments. I'm going to go back and collect them all to share with others. Thank you!
I feel very disconnected from my body given the weight I’ve put on in the last ten years. I don’t recognize myself, but I loathe my own loathing more than my body itself. I feel tired and bewildered by the changes, and while I’m mindful of the incredible service that my body has performed, particularly as a caregiver, it’s appearance seems like a betrayal.
Elizabeth, I'm struck by how you are able to observe your disconnection and, all the while, remain mindful of how your body continues to perform, to serve you and others. Perhaps it is not helpful but I want to say that having met you in person and read your writing, your beauty and strength shimmers in real life and on the page, perhaps because of all the disparate feelings and insights you are able to grasp at once. Wherever you are on this journey with your body, it's not over yet. I wish you both love, health, peace.
I recommend reading the Penny books in order, since the characters in Three Pines evolve in ways that change your feelings about them from novel to novel. Last great novel I've read: "Foolscap (the Stages of Love)" by Michael Malone, a great sendup of English departments and the literary world in general. Best nature book ever: "H is for Hawk" by Helen MacDonald. Riveting.
Excellent suggestion. I just finished "Still Life" and I can see how each of the characters are just beginning to unfold by the end of the book.
I will add the Malone book and MacDonald book to my list and also share them with the others. I've been collecting notes for a newsletter/post about nature writing. "H is for Hawk" will be added.
Hi Betsy, loved this Spark. But then, I love all of them. So much info and interesting observations you make. And always the books. About my body: while in Maui last week, I got a tattoo--a fancy ampersand on the inside of my left forearm and in a couple of weeks I'm going to a Bodywriting retreat in Texas where I'll slather my body with paint and imprint it on a life-size canvas. This will be my fourth body-printing experience.
Did you happen to see the film, "Good Luck to You, Leo Grande"? Near the end, Helen Mirren stands naked before a full-length mirror and gazes at her body. For days after I saw the film, I found myself standing before my full-length mirror, gazing at my body in this way--interested, not critical; noticing.
As for books I'm reading: Today I'm going to The Book Catapult to pick up a copy of "Braiding Sweetgrass," by Robin Wall Kimmerer. I started reading it on the plane trip home from Maui, but I found it just too beautiful to read on my iPad and find I want to hold the actual book in my hands--a more intimate way of reading this beautiful book about the natural world, the language of plants.
Oh Braiding Sweetgrass is very much on my mind. I am looking forward to holding a copy if my own soon.
Congratulations on your tattoo! You and your body are partners in art. I want to know more about body painting.
I'm definitely going to watch Emma Thompson in "Leo Grande."
Oh right! Emma Thompson, not Helen Mirren! Thank you. Excellent film.
Here’s info about Bodywriting:
https://bodywritingretreatforwomen.com/
One spot left for the November session! Join us.
xoJR
Another woman's view: the fairly new film Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.
Yes! I want to see that one
Interesting that you chose the body scan for this week's missive. I was just last week thinking about my own body and the stories it could tell, thinking of writing poems on this topic. I was imagining my body as a toddler, still unscarred, but not unscathed. And about how now, my body is on my mind more than anything else, thanks to constant pain. Not to focus on the pain, but to focus on the body and its stories.
There is nothing like pain to bring the body into sharper focus but it can also shift attention away from the important stories. Sounds as though you understand that. I'm looking forward to reading the poems that come out of this for you.
Once again you bring worthy contemplations to my weekends - thanks, Betsy! I agree with Joyce regarding the killer line that will shape my thoughts for awhile -
Thank you PJ!
I suspect your 70-year-old self will laugh her ass off at at those insecurities. That is not meant to be at all snarky. I've realized as I edge past my mid-60s that the things that mattered even five years ago, have receded in importance while totally unexpected things have finally resolved (a bra that fits, learning how to use makeup even minimally) when the importance of either is questionable. It feels like a huge practical joke but it's also okay and doing what feels good without excuses also feels good.