Discussion about this post

User's avatar
ST's avatar

My birth name and the one I carried for ~39 years was, at best, a compromise.

My father was going through one of those "OH MY IRISH PEOPLE! OH THE AULD SOD!" phases that is mandatory for every pudgy white guy--we aren't even Irish, the last name is very English, going back to the Romans landing on the island of Britain, so possibly more Italian than Irish if you want to go THAT far back, and I have done the geneaology all the way back to our ancestors getting off the boat from England, we are not Irish, but lord almighty I had to go to many Celtic Fests--and wanted to give me some long Gaelic name with lots of vowels.

No offense to Irish people or people with long Gaelic names with lots of vowels but I suspect that would've been even less fun in the rural South than the name I wound up with.

When he was out of the room, my mother scribbled down the name on the birth certificate she thought was Irish enough to be semi-normal: Shannon Patrick and sent it off, so that was my name. Unfortunately it was a "girl's name" by that point and that wasn't a lot of fun at all. I never really liked it and it didn't sound like me.

I don't remember what inspired it, but I'd fallen out with my entire family and was approaching my 40th birthday and had had my life collapse and I'd managed to rebuild it. Everything felt like a new start. I was musing one day with my wife that I was stuck with this goddamn name that I didn't like and didn't have anything to do with the people who'd given it to me and that was ridiculous and I should just change it. She said "Oh yeah, do it!"

It sounds silly but I hadn't even really thought about that as an option before? I floated the idea with my friend group and the trans folks were like YES DO IT PICK YOUR OWN NAME A NAME THAT YOU LIKE IT IS THE BEST TAKE IT FROM US.

So I looked into it and it was kind of a paperwork hassle, but it wasn't *hard*.

(The actual process is basically like a quest in a roleplaying game, like "proceed to the courthouse then go to this office and go to this office and talk to this person then go back to this office and turn in THIS then get THIS and bring it to...").

In my state, you actually file civil suit on the prosecutor's office, so I got to march in and hand the paperwork to the lady at the desk like YOU GOT SERVED. (She was very nice and I was of course polite but it was amusing. YEAH! YOU ARE SUED!).

One of the people I follow on Twitter is a guy always talking about the American Civil War and, like most men approaching Dad Age, that's one of my special interests. One day he was talking about General George Henry Thomas. He was one of the Union generals and isn't as well known as Grant and Sherman, but he was known as The Sledge of Nashville for his performance there and arguably his performance enabled Sherman *to* make the March to the Sea.

The more I looked into it, the more the guy seemed perfect:

Semi-obscure Civil War general? Check

Union? YES CHECK GOOD LORD

I play bass and have always been content in a supporting role? Check

His nickname was "Old Pap" because he took care of his dudes and my nickname was "Pappy" due to my homespun, folksy wisdom? Check

He shunned self-promotion? Check

Family shunned him? CHECK

Nickname "The Sledge of Nashville"? Metal!

Literally had a stroke and died writing an angry letter in response to a guy that criticized him? I probably will die this way yes.

I'm not a George, I knew that right off. But looking at it, I could flip it around.

Thomas: Good first name, easy nickname. Also, lapsed Catholic, being Thomas the Doubter tickled me. I would absolutely be like "Okay, Jesus, but you know I gotta see for myself." Would absolutely do my own thing and wander off to India. Also Aquainus. A+ name.

Henry: I feel for a guy, a middle name needs to be a grandpa name. (These are just my personal rules). A+ Grandpa name.

I wanted something Raven or Crow themed for my last name because goth as hell obv but also corvids are tricksters (Same) and goofballs (Same) but they will also be your friends if you make friends with them (same) but if you cross them, they will always remember your face and hassle you and tell all their friends (I have a long list of grudges and burned bridges). So I found this English surname that not a lot of people had and it sounded cool and the motto on one dubious family history site was "God feeds the ravens," which is my kind of bleak and funny. A+ motto, A+ surname.

Very happy with my decision, glad I did it, wish I'd thought of it sooner. I feel like my old name was something that was given to me but never really fit. Like when you buy a pair of shoes and, you know, they're fine and do okay. But then you put on a pair and they just *fit* like you had a cobbler make them custom and you didn't even know shoes could fit like that anymore.

Expand full comment
Joan DeMartin's avatar

I love this story and that picture of little you! My given name is Joan, but I have no idea why my parents chose it. But I'm pretty sure my dad was hoping for a boy and nicknamed me "Joey" which stuck in my family and friends circle. I still prefer to be called Joey.

Expand full comment
26 more comments...

No posts