Great interview. I am excited to check out Grounded and to share it with teachers and our school library. I also found the comment on memoir as portrait helpful. It is a version, a rendition of a story... as someone writing one, I find this lifts a burden or fear that I will get it wrong.
I believe the word INDOCTRINATION plays too big a part in anyone's life; most don't stand a chance. Religious and cultural indoctrination--from DAY 1--forces fairytale notions that end up as mandates shoved down the throats of innocent victims. I was born a Catholic, so Jesus was a forced visit; I was born a male, so dating a female was a mandate; I was in a family tribe, so I was expected to follow ALL of their rules. It took me a while, but I broke from my tribe's indoctrination & set myself free from the cruel suffocation of forced family religious and cultural values.
I grew up Catholic but things went differently for me. I mean, once a Catholic, always a Catholic in some ways but it was the Seventies. The whole experience got watered down after we moved to northern NH where there were no Catholic schools. My dad was Protestant and the main thing my parents shared were middle-to-conservative politics, a love of a good time, an aversion to public displays of affection. We kids failed to meet any of the academic or social aspirations they had for us but really never articulated. I had lots of wiggle room growing up, and sometimes I think I could have done with less.
Ah, the weight of parental expectations. My parents continually moved the goalposts which in turn always set us up for failure. It did not take me long to figure out it was useless trying to please them and that certainly helped my self-esteem. I have always been successful in my endeavours but I have struggled with work/life balance. We raised our kiddos to do their best and have a good work ethic and this seems to have been successful.
That makes things challenging. If there are going to be goalposts, it's best to have the kind you can see and actually reach at some point. Sounds like you did not do what some of us do -- recreate the whole dynamic when we have kids.
As for work/life balance, that is a constant struggle. Here's to having more good days than difficult ones!
What a deep and golden Saturday interview read! I am in memoir mode because I'm tackling a project that will be mine. I used to lament that my mother didn't include me in meal prep, but this is a more pithy lack: "Nobody ever told me I'd hold another person's sense of self in my hands, that I'd have the power to both build and destroy the life I now shared.” Ah, the wisdom.
Honestly, I believe my husband and I have done well in this aspect, forging a rock-solid bond that approaches 50 years. And - ha! - the evidence of our 'cooking well' together is evidenced in the plumpness so visible around our middles.
Isn't Huda amazing? I thought that line and so many others reflected a willingness to really own her own side of the equation. She writes beautifully about it all.
Congratulations on the nearly fifty years! I smiled when I read about the cooking well together. At one point in our marriage, both my husband and I put on a little weight -- stress eating on both sides. It would feel strange when we hugged. We joked that we were growing apart.
Ahh, I’ve actually read her book “Love, Inshallah” when I was in a relationship with a Muslim man many years ago and I was trying to cope with the cultural differences.
I’ll never forget one of the stories where the mother told the teen daughter that all teen boys didn’t love her, they were just hunting for her hole, that they only wanted to put themselves in her hole. That really stuck with me.
Great interview. I am excited to check out Grounded and to share it with teachers and our school library. I also found the comment on memoir as portrait helpful. It is a version, a rendition of a story... as someone writing one, I find this lifts a burden or fear that I will get it wrong.
I’m excited to listen to this interview Betsy and Huda. Thank you both!
I believe the word INDOCTRINATION plays too big a part in anyone's life; most don't stand a chance. Religious and cultural indoctrination--from DAY 1--forces fairytale notions that end up as mandates shoved down the throats of innocent victims. I was born a Catholic, so Jesus was a forced visit; I was born a male, so dating a female was a mandate; I was in a family tribe, so I was expected to follow ALL of their rules. It took me a while, but I broke from my tribe's indoctrination & set myself free from the cruel suffocation of forced family religious and cultural values.
I grew up Catholic but things went differently for me. I mean, once a Catholic, always a Catholic in some ways but it was the Seventies. The whole experience got watered down after we moved to northern NH where there were no Catholic schools. My dad was Protestant and the main thing my parents shared were middle-to-conservative politics, a love of a good time, an aversion to public displays of affection. We kids failed to meet any of the academic or social aspirations they had for us but really never articulated. I had lots of wiggle room growing up, and sometimes I think I could have done with less.
Ah, the weight of parental expectations. My parents continually moved the goalposts which in turn always set us up for failure. It did not take me long to figure out it was useless trying to please them and that certainly helped my self-esteem. I have always been successful in my endeavours but I have struggled with work/life balance. We raised our kiddos to do their best and have a good work ethic and this seems to have been successful.
That makes things challenging. If there are going to be goalposts, it's best to have the kind you can see and actually reach at some point. Sounds like you did not do what some of us do -- recreate the whole dynamic when we have kids.
As for work/life balance, that is a constant struggle. Here's to having more good days than difficult ones!
Thanks, Elizabeth
What a deep and golden Saturday interview read! I am in memoir mode because I'm tackling a project that will be mine. I used to lament that my mother didn't include me in meal prep, but this is a more pithy lack: "Nobody ever told me I'd hold another person's sense of self in my hands, that I'd have the power to both build and destroy the life I now shared.” Ah, the wisdom.
Honestly, I believe my husband and I have done well in this aspect, forging a rock-solid bond that approaches 50 years. And - ha! - the evidence of our 'cooking well' together is evidenced in the plumpness so visible around our middles.
Isn't Huda amazing? I thought that line and so many others reflected a willingness to really own her own side of the equation. She writes beautifully about it all.
Congratulations on the nearly fifty years! I smiled when I read about the cooking well together. At one point in our marriage, both my husband and I put on a little weight -- stress eating on both sides. It would feel strange when we hugged. We joked that we were growing apart.
Ahh, I’ve actually read her book “Love, Inshallah” when I was in a relationship with a Muslim man many years ago and I was trying to cope with the cultural differences.
I’ll never forget one of the stories where the mother told the teen daughter that all teen boys didn’t love her, they were just hunting for her hole, that they only wanted to put themselves in her hole. That really stuck with me.
Interesting! Huda didn't write that particular story in the anthology but I can understand why it was memorable.