Today’s headline across the Ask Annalisa column in Life section of The Guardian: ‘ I constantly feel hurt and let down by friends who never show any interest in me’. Do you really need to know more?
A question you might care to ask is what advice did you receive when young that has helped you avoid agony aunts?
In my case: 1) Never get involved with someone at work because when it goes wrong they will gang up on you. 2) Never get involved with someone who has more problems than you and… 3) Never marry someone you haven’t been to the bed with. Sadly, I ignored the last one but at least by my example I have saved my children and grandchildren from the same mistake.
You've obviously gotten along fine without Annalisa or her agony sisters, Robert. The advice you received as a young man was solid. As for #3: advice is there to be followed or ignored. Life usually teaches the hard lessons anyway, right? BTW - I am sorry for not responding sooner to your comment of last week. It sounds as though you've been through a scary period and I'm glad to know you are alright. I look forward to catching up on past issues of your newsletter so I have an even better sense of what was going on.
love 'sploot.' I've never written to an advice column, but certainly have read them, and not sure my motivation, especially when they are asking about a problem I don't even have. maybe we sometimes read them to see we are not so bad, have made bad decisions, or to remember that things could be worse?
Loved this post, Elizabeth! If someone had asked me before reading this if I was into advice columns I’d say, nah, not really. But as I read I was reminded of how many times I’d open the paper, back when there were papers, blow past the sports page (50/50 chance it was bad news during baseball season anyway) and read an advice column first thing. I was also reminded of my love for radio shows like Love Line, which is basically an advice column on the radio. To be kind, I’m curious about life and the lives of others. But another way to say that is that I’m nosy.
I’ve never tried to write an advice column of my own, but friends and even friends of friends do email or call and ask for advice. I used to think this happened because I have a law degree and people just wanted free legal advice. But their problems are usually legal-adjacent, as in don’t need a lawyer to get you out of this lease, but let’s talk about why your boyfriend expects you to support him. Stuff like that. I help because I can and because it’s nice to have a reputation among friends and family as someone who is wise and provides good counsel, but I think the real reason I do it is because I feel like I’m at my best when I’m helping someone else. Put simply, it’s gratifying to be of service.
I mention the service element because I usually don’t feel that way when I’m writing. Don’t get me wrong. I hope people find joy in my stories and maybe see something in a new light, but I never think, yes this will really help someone! It’s a nice feeling though, and I wonder if that’s a big part of the appeal and why so many writers, credentials be damned, get into the advice game?
I’m sure you are right, Mike. People who can help, and do, must feel really happy when they connect with someone. I do find joy in your SN essays. They make me smile. They ground me.
Dear Just Comfortable, they are your sheets, I say sploot away. If your boyfriend objects, then it's time to exchange him for a more evolved model---without apology. Stay comfy!
Personal growth and validation? my daughter started a Dear Spot advice column in her HS newspaper. Kids could drop off their questions in a box (anon) by the middle of the wk and then she answered their questions and concerns in the paper on Friday. There were legitimate questions and concerns. It was very well received by students and her journalism teacher was pleased with the popularity of the column. I thought she gave important peer support and some darned good advice at 17.
When I worked for local newspapers, my favorite part of prepping the Sunday paper was reading all the advice columns! Dear Abby, Hints from Heloise -- I couldn’t get enough. I think part of my intrigue is always a sense of, “well, at least I don’t have THAT going on in my life.”
I wish my cats would sploot. It’s such a cute pose.
I actually love Hints from Heloise -- she offers concretely useful advice about how to actually do things. From her, I learned all about the many uses of vinegar and baking soda.
The ending can be happy but one of the great things about the glimpses of story in advice columns, we can never be sure how things turned out. But that's what suspension of reality is all about right? I like your idea of wading in with all the best ideas and just living in happy ignorance about what happens next.
BTW, with romantic comedies, I always spend time imaging life after the ending. The after-story always varies according to how I'm feeling that day.
Oh, the irony of me publishing one of my periodic “Hey Lyle” advice column pieces today
Yup!
Today’s headline across the Ask Annalisa column in Life section of The Guardian: ‘ I constantly feel hurt and let down by friends who never show any interest in me’. Do you really need to know more?
A question you might care to ask is what advice did you receive when young that has helped you avoid agony aunts?
In my case: 1) Never get involved with someone at work because when it goes wrong they will gang up on you. 2) Never get involved with someone who has more problems than you and… 3) Never marry someone you haven’t been to the bed with. Sadly, I ignored the last one but at least by my example I have saved my children and grandchildren from the same mistake.
You've obviously gotten along fine without Annalisa or her agony sisters, Robert. The advice you received as a young man was solid. As for #3: advice is there to be followed or ignored. Life usually teaches the hard lessons anyway, right? BTW - I am sorry for not responding sooner to your comment of last week. It sounds as though you've been through a scary period and I'm glad to know you are alright. I look forward to catching up on past issues of your newsletter so I have an even better sense of what was going on.
love 'sploot.' I've never written to an advice column, but certainly have read them, and not sure my motivation, especially when they are asking about a problem I don't even have. maybe we sometimes read them to see we are not so bad, have made bad decisions, or to remember that things could be worse?
For me, it is definitely #3 - things could always be worse and I'm left feeling a little happier with how things are.
Ellie loves to sploot.
I devour advice columns. I just love peering into other people’s lives.
Great post!
Loved this post, Elizabeth! If someone had asked me before reading this if I was into advice columns I’d say, nah, not really. But as I read I was reminded of how many times I’d open the paper, back when there were papers, blow past the sports page (50/50 chance it was bad news during baseball season anyway) and read an advice column first thing. I was also reminded of my love for radio shows like Love Line, which is basically an advice column on the radio. To be kind, I’m curious about life and the lives of others. But another way to say that is that I’m nosy.
I’ve never tried to write an advice column of my own, but friends and even friends of friends do email or call and ask for advice. I used to think this happened because I have a law degree and people just wanted free legal advice. But their problems are usually legal-adjacent, as in don’t need a lawyer to get you out of this lease, but let’s talk about why your boyfriend expects you to support him. Stuff like that. I help because I can and because it’s nice to have a reputation among friends and family as someone who is wise and provides good counsel, but I think the real reason I do it is because I feel like I’m at my best when I’m helping someone else. Put simply, it’s gratifying to be of service.
I mention the service element because I usually don’t feel that way when I’m writing. Don’t get me wrong. I hope people find joy in my stories and maybe see something in a new light, but I never think, yes this will really help someone! It’s a nice feeling though, and I wonder if that’s a big part of the appeal and why so many writers, credentials be damned, get into the advice game?
I’m sure you are right, Mike. People who can help, and do, must feel really happy when they connect with someone. I do find joy in your SN essays. They make me smile. They ground me.
I knew something was up with Dear Prudence 😄
Dear Spark, My boyfriend caught me splooting on our bed and made me change the sheets before he'd sleep there again. Should I apologize?
Just trying to get comfortable in North Park.
Dear Just Comfortable, they are your sheets, I say sploot away. If your boyfriend objects, then it's time to exchange him for a more evolved model---without apology. Stay comfy!
Personal growth and validation? my daughter started a Dear Spot advice column in her HS newspaper. Kids could drop off their questions in a box (anon) by the middle of the wk and then she answered their questions and concerns in the paper on Friday. There were legitimate questions and concerns. It was very well received by students and her journalism teacher was pleased with the popularity of the column. I thought she gave important peer support and some darned good advice at 17.
That's pretty terrific! She sounds like a smart, empathetic and resourceful person. Here's to whatever lies ahead for her.
When I worked for local newspapers, my favorite part of prepping the Sunday paper was reading all the advice columns! Dear Abby, Hints from Heloise -- I couldn’t get enough. I think part of my intrigue is always a sense of, “well, at least I don’t have THAT going on in my life.”
I wish my cats would sploot. It’s such a cute pose.
I actually love Hints from Heloise -- she offers concretely useful advice about how to actually do things. From her, I learned all about the many uses of vinegar and baking soda.
Perhaps the kitties can take splooting lessons?
The ending can be happy but one of the great things about the glimpses of story in advice columns, we can never be sure how things turned out. But that's what suspension of reality is all about right? I like your idea of wading in with all the best ideas and just living in happy ignorance about what happens next.
BTW, with romantic comedies, I always spend time imaging life after the ending. The after-story always varies according to how I'm feeling that day.