I'm a big fan of Brooke Barker and I'm so glad her latest newsletter was helpful too. I found it thought-provoking. Sending love and kindness to you. May you be filled with love and light.
the utility of writing comes full force when an outlet, an understanding, and a way back to one's self is needed in the flailing, wailing journey through grief... May you feel peace in his passage eventually.
As always Betsy you offer much to reflect on and I love you for that. Never overbearing and I love you for that. I wish you, your husband and family, well as you adjust to a life in which you will see the world a little differently.🐰
I have been thinking of you, and hoping you were well—it’s what brought me back to Substack this week after some time away. In case it helps, one of my comfort books is a collection of gardening essays (“Green Thoughts,” by Eleanor Perenyi). The unrelenting cycles of nature are always good for grounding, and Perenyi’s tone has an unsentimental practicality that I find bracing and comforting at the same time. Maybe this is my inner New Englander responding, but the book may speak to you too. Take care of yourself right now.
Thank you so much, Judith, for your kindness and for the book rec. Essay collections work well right now and i could use a tone that Is both bracing and comforting. Yesterday i weeded for three hours, a very literal form of grounding myself.
Ultimate go-to-for-comfort book: "Thidwick, the Big-Hearted Moose," by Dr. Seuss. I read it first when I was six or seven. It's about keeping things in proportion, rejecting unreasonable demands, being yourself. I read it to my own kids, and now have the pleasure of reading it to my grandson, 5. They think I'm doing it for THEM.
I read 'a tale for the time being' by ruth ozeki.,and it somehow changed me, what a powerful writer ,and it sounds like the other book you read by her, did that for you. I am so very sorry for your loss and happy to see here. it will be like floating on the ocean for a while for you, top of the wave, and then way under, but you will find your way back over time, and yes, never the same, but your heart will now hold your brother within forever.
A Tale for the Time Being knocked me for a loop. I loved that book. I loved this one just as much. Thank you for your lovely images here. They are so on target and comforting.
I'm aching for you still but also grateful for your baby steps back to "normal life" and for always sharing something I need each time I read Spark. Today it was sharing Tom Cox's Substack because what I needed was to laugh until I wept. Thank you.
Thank you, Jenny. I was so grateful for the laughs -- especially the opening note from his dad who was cat sitting. It just brought me back, that laugh.
When family is involved, and they go crazy, or stupid, or act out, I reach for David Sedaris, & re-read something like "Me Talk Pretty One Day," or others in his stockpile. After reading, my emotional burden is lighter, and as I wipe away the tears, I'm better prepared for the next day (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger).
Oh I love David Sedaris so much. In fact, I thought of his essay "Now We Are Five," as I traveled back east to face the loss of my brother. Sedaris is exactly my age and has the same kind of family and so many similar feelings about his siblings. Reading him always leaves me in a better place.
Oh Elizabeth, I am so very sorry for this immeasurable loss. I may have to take the long flight home to Manila to see my mother, whose health is failing. Did you know airlines have something called “bereavement flights?” Who knew even corporations had hearts.
Thank you, Marivi. Yes, those "bereavement flights" are good. I didn't know they still offered them but you should definitely let the corporations exercise their heart muscles. Safe travels and I hope you and your mother share some precious moments together.
Thank you for tip-toeing back & for sharing these things - especially this Wendell Berry poem, something I needed today. Wishing you peace and comfort.
Thank you, Charlotte. I don't believe in reincarnation exactly. I do believe that less separates the living from the dead than we think and I do think the energy released by a human's passing finds its way to us and those who may need it.
That’s a beautiful thought. I’m not 100% convinced of reincarnation, but the research out of UVA on this is somewhat convincing, or at least enough to make me a little less afraid of death. I’d like to believe that a new adventure awaits beyond this life.
"the tug one feels between the place that nurtures and forms you and the places you find elsewhere and make your own"
I feel like my writing and life are in this same tension of the in-between
They say that "in between" can be a fertile place for writing and creativity. I hope it is so for you.
PS: I loved the VIEW from your mother's house; it's quite stunning.
You should see it when the sky is blue which does happen from time to time...
I'm a big fan of Brooke Barker and I'm so glad her latest newsletter was helpful too. I found it thought-provoking. Sending love and kindness to you. May you be filled with love and light.
Thank you, Sandra. She's great, isn't she?
the utility of writing comes full force when an outlet, an understanding, and a way back to one's self is needed in the flailing, wailing journey through grief... May you feel peace in his passage eventually.
Thank you, PJ
All the love to you and your family, Betsy.
Thank you, Robyn.
As always Betsy you offer much to reflect on and I love you for that. Never overbearing and I love you for that. I wish you, your husband and family, well as you adjust to a life in which you will see the world a little differently.🐰
Thank you so much. The world is different, yes, but still holds much beauty and joy.
I have been thinking of you, and hoping you were well—it’s what brought me back to Substack this week after some time away. In case it helps, one of my comfort books is a collection of gardening essays (“Green Thoughts,” by Eleanor Perenyi). The unrelenting cycles of nature are always good for grounding, and Perenyi’s tone has an unsentimental practicality that I find bracing and comforting at the same time. Maybe this is my inner New Englander responding, but the book may speak to you too. Take care of yourself right now.
Thank you so much, Judith, for your kindness and for the book rec. Essay collections work well right now and i could use a tone that Is both bracing and comforting. Yesterday i weeded for three hours, a very literal form of grounding myself.
Ultimate go-to-for-comfort book: "Thidwick, the Big-Hearted Moose," by Dr. Seuss. I read it first when I was six or seven. It's about keeping things in proportion, rejecting unreasonable demands, being yourself. I read it to my own kids, and now have the pleasure of reading it to my grandson, 5. They think I'm doing it for THEM.
I read 'a tale for the time being' by ruth ozeki.,and it somehow changed me, what a powerful writer ,and it sounds like the other book you read by her, did that for you. I am so very sorry for your loss and happy to see here. it will be like floating on the ocean for a while for you, top of the wave, and then way under, but you will find your way back over time, and yes, never the same, but your heart will now hold your brother within forever.
A Tale for the Time Being knocked me for a loop. I loved that book. I loved this one just as much. Thank you for your lovely images here. They are so on target and comforting.
I'm aching for you still but also grateful for your baby steps back to "normal life" and for always sharing something I need each time I read Spark. Today it was sharing Tom Cox's Substack because what I needed was to laugh until I wept. Thank you.
Thank you, Jenny. I was so grateful for the laughs -- especially the opening note from his dad who was cat sitting. It just brought me back, that laugh.
I passed it on to my brothers.
When family is involved, and they go crazy, or stupid, or act out, I reach for David Sedaris, & re-read something like "Me Talk Pretty One Day," or others in his stockpile. After reading, my emotional burden is lighter, and as I wipe away the tears, I'm better prepared for the next day (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger).
Oh I love David Sedaris so much. In fact, I thought of his essay "Now We Are Five," as I traveled back east to face the loss of my brother. Sedaris is exactly my age and has the same kind of family and so many similar feelings about his siblings. Reading him always leaves me in a better place.
Oh Elizabeth, I am so very sorry for this immeasurable loss. I may have to take the long flight home to Manila to see my mother, whose health is failing. Did you know airlines have something called “bereavement flights?” Who knew even corporations had hearts.
Thank you, Marivi. Yes, those "bereavement flights" are good. I didn't know they still offered them but you should definitely let the corporations exercise their heart muscles. Safe travels and I hope you and your mother share some precious moments together.
Your tip toeing back shows so much wisdom and so much loving care for yourself!
Thank you, Maureen.
Thank you for tip-toeing back & for sharing these things - especially this Wendell Berry poem, something I needed today. Wishing you peace and comfort.
Isn't it lovely? I'm glad it found you.
Love Ozeki. Sorry you’re going throw it. I’d be devastated too if my brother died. Do you believe in reincarnation? That gives me optimism.
Thank you, Charlotte. I don't believe in reincarnation exactly. I do believe that less separates the living from the dead than we think and I do think the energy released by a human's passing finds its way to us and those who may need it.
That’s a beautiful thought. I’m not 100% convinced of reincarnation, but the research out of UVA on this is somewhat convincing, or at least enough to make me a little less afraid of death. I’d like to believe that a new adventure awaits beyond this life.
Anyway, sending hugs. 🤗
baby steps, indeed, betsy....sending love, as ever....
Thank you, Bernadette.