this is a terrible beauty of a story. I pray I am spared from that decision, and I pray I am not the subject of said decision. Life is hard at our advanced age. We have seen it, done it, and now wait for it to do us.
Thank you for this beautifully written, thoughtful, heartbreaking and completely accurate post about ‘the death before death’ of dementia. So sorry for the loss of your Dad, Elizabeth. My mom died last year and would talk to me as if I was her friend, had no idea I was her daughter. One day I was showing her a photo I took in Ireland and she said it was beautiful and asked me if I was ‘in the Arts.’ I said “Well, I did go to cooking school.” Her response was “My daughter went to cooking school, too!” I excused myself and went into the bathroom and sobbed into a towel till I could compose myself. My answer to your question is yes.
A very well written post. My mother, in her later stages lost her faculties and dementia might be an apt description. Her descent was rapid and had a number of comorbidities. Closer to that was a close family member stricken with brain cancer. An on-off switch that brings with it an immediate change. The cruelty and randomness of tumor location deciding what function will be lost. I am still sad when I think of the pain that journey brought for all of us. Exiting on your own terms is a brave choice. If your writing helps a person amidst any of these sorts of challenges, it is important. The power of a book to take us there. Hooray.
This was beautifully written thanks for sharing. I think as beings we have the gift of compassion and as you so eloquently put it, sometimes letting go is the strongest and most unselfish expression of love. My late grandmother suffered from dementia and it is gut wrenchingly painful to gradually see them lose their ‘self’, as time becomes the mortal enemy.
Thank you for sharing this book with us. It’s going on my reading list today!
I lost my mom after a long illness of Multiple Sclerosis that eventually brought dementia. She always knew us but faded into a fog of confusion and hopelessness. Dad cared for her as long as he could until he finally had to find care for her while he had hernia surgery. About 4 years after she died he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and numerous metastases. In only seven weeks, he lost the ability to read, walk, and care for himself, but he could speak a little and love a lot. As he was slipping into a coma just before he died, I was sitting beside him and holding his hand. My heart was breaking and I asked out loud if he knew how much I loved him. He lifted his head and said “YES!” It’s the last thing he said to me. The memory, now over 20 years old, still brings me to tears.
Oh I wish I'd read this BEFORE I visited the library today. Amy Bloom's "In Love" is available in several locations, including the Central Library downtown. Thank you for the beautiful review and recommendation. Always an Amy Bloom reader, I look forward to this one. Your personal story brings so much more than simply a review of a book that touched you deeply. I hope you'll feel better soon--dental surgery: Ouch!
i'm so sorry for your loss, and when dealing with someone you love who has dementia, it is a drawn out loss, as you watch them slip away from who you knew them to be, and then - even that person is gone. beautiful
this is a terrible beauty of a story. I pray I am spared from that decision, and I pray I am not the subject of said decision. Life is hard at our advanced age. We have seen it, done it, and now wait for it to do us.
Thanks for sharing
Thank you for this beautifully written, thoughtful, heartbreaking and completely accurate post about ‘the death before death’ of dementia. So sorry for the loss of your Dad, Elizabeth. My mom died last year and would talk to me as if I was her friend, had no idea I was her daughter. One day I was showing her a photo I took in Ireland and she said it was beautiful and asked me if I was ‘in the Arts.’ I said “Well, I did go to cooking school.” Her response was “My daughter went to cooking school, too!” I excused myself and went into the bathroom and sobbed into a towel till I could compose myself. My answer to your question is yes.
A very well written post. My mother, in her later stages lost her faculties and dementia might be an apt description. Her descent was rapid and had a number of comorbidities. Closer to that was a close family member stricken with brain cancer. An on-off switch that brings with it an immediate change. The cruelty and randomness of tumor location deciding what function will be lost. I am still sad when I think of the pain that journey brought for all of us. Exiting on your own terms is a brave choice. If your writing helps a person amidst any of these sorts of challenges, it is important. The power of a book to take us there. Hooray.
This was beautifully written thanks for sharing. I think as beings we have the gift of compassion and as you so eloquently put it, sometimes letting go is the strongest and most unselfish expression of love. My late grandmother suffered from dementia and it is gut wrenchingly painful to gradually see them lose their ‘self’, as time becomes the mortal enemy.
Thanks for the shout out.
So sorry for your dad.
Thank you for sharing this book with us. It’s going on my reading list today!
I lost my mom after a long illness of Multiple Sclerosis that eventually brought dementia. She always knew us but faded into a fog of confusion and hopelessness. Dad cared for her as long as he could until he finally had to find care for her while he had hernia surgery. About 4 years after she died he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and numerous metastases. In only seven weeks, he lost the ability to read, walk, and care for himself, but he could speak a little and love a lot. As he was slipping into a coma just before he died, I was sitting beside him and holding his hand. My heart was breaking and I asked out loud if he knew how much I loved him. He lifted his head and said “YES!” It’s the last thing he said to me. The memory, now over 20 years old, still brings me to tears.
Oh I wish I'd read this BEFORE I visited the library today. Amy Bloom's "In Love" is available in several locations, including the Central Library downtown. Thank you for the beautiful review and recommendation. Always an Amy Bloom reader, I look forward to this one. Your personal story brings so much more than simply a review of a book that touched you deeply. I hope you'll feel better soon--dental surgery: Ouch!
Beautiful story I have not read the book. My mother died from this disease and it is also hard to watch as they fall deeper in later stages.
i'm so sorry for your loss, and when dealing with someone you love who has dementia, it is a drawn out loss, as you watch them slip away from who you knew them to be, and then - even that person is gone. beautiful