Loved this. My do over is raising my kids. I would love to raise them with the attention I pay my grandchildren. I was devoted to John Steinbeck and wrote him many many letters when I was 14 and was thrilled to get a response from his editor Elizabeth Otis kindly telling me he has received and enjoyed my letters but was very busy. ! lie or truth it didn't matter I was thrilled. My friend at the time was writing PAT BOONE and I felt quite superior. ha!
What would I do over? I'd want to relive the experience, not redo it. In 1976 I co-founded a women's theatre company with my best friend and playwriting collaborator. Every one of the women involved I've spoken with over the years speaks of those four years we had together as if they were magical. I believe they were. It was fun, thrilling, and fulfilling to create live theater for an audience starved for what we offered. We worked together in collective, the only collective I've been involved with that was fun, not a chore. We loved our work, we loved each other, and we loved our community. We were having so much fun, I think we believed (I know I did) that we could create that experience again. I came to Portland and founded the Portland Women's Theatre. My friends Ba and Kaye went to Austin and formed a women's theatre company there. Not the same in either case. What we created in Kansas City Missouri (Actors' Sorority) can't be replicated, because times and people have changed.
I blame Cher for my obsession with do-overs as a child.
@diabecker addressed this in her most recent newsletter and I’ve thought of the possibilities myself. Maybe science fiction I s right and there are alternate universes where all our choices are playing out, ones where we’re happier or more miserable. We can never know and it is torture to think of what might be better. The only thing we can do is pick up from this timeline and make the best of it. We can start anew here and change the course of this timeline.
The do-over that presses me now is my first born. She was a DREAM baby and I want to roll the tape back to experience her again. She’s 10 now and almost as tall as me but I still get snapshots of that baby face that remind me.
I suspect that I have read everything a few of my favourite authors have written, but I honestly don’t know, because I don’t keep track of my reading life in that way. I also don’t really approach it that way, if that makes sense. These days, I go at it in the same haphazard, mood-driven way I do most things.
When I was a kid, though, I was definitely more capable of that kind of devotion to a single author. I distinctly recall attempting to read every single Agatha Christie novel when I was in my early teens, and if I didn’t succeed, I’m sure I came very close to it.
One of my 2023 goals/projects is to be a completist on a couple of authors, Susan Meissner and Sara Ackerman (and maybe others). I think Sara has 5-6 books, so that won't be a problem, but Susan has 20ish books which will be a little more difficult. Before she started writing historical fiction, she wrote contemporary fiction and mystery. Some of those books are old enough that they aren't on Libby at any of the library cards that I have. A few are on Kindle Unlimited, so I've already read a few of hers that I found there. I'm not really into buying an older books in either Kindle or paper format just so I can say "I completed all her books," so her books may not be quite completed. But for the ones I do read, I know I'll enjoy them because I've read a couple of her HF books in the past and can't wait to read all of them.
That quote from your loved one hit hard. I was struggling with a similar feeling toward the end of last year and it took some conversations with friends and family, some journaling, and a whole hell of a lot of thinking to get to a better place with it.
Life has no reverse, just forward and stop. That is why we write. We can tear up a story and start again as Elizabeth says. Pondering life is like lying on your back, on a blanket, on One Tree Hill in Wembley, where I grew up, staring at the night sky trying to see infinity, holding hands with my distant cousin Caroline when we were both 12/13. It made our brains ache, but we had one another. One of my forever moments. I am with Sandra 100%.
Great post! I’ve never been a huge fan of the do-over story, but maybe that’s because I’ve mostly encountered it in film, rather than books. Those films always struck me as a little silly. Or, maybe they just weren’t my genre.
But reading this post forced me to focus on the theme underneath (or is it behind) the do-over fantasy: regret. Stories about regret resonate with me, and this should come as no surprise, they resonate more as I grow older.
In fact, as a middle aged person, I find myself increasingly drawn to older friends and family as I try to figure out how they managed to accumulate more regrets than satisfaction, and how those decisions made them bitter in their old age. I see these as cautionary tales. One of my biggest fears is that I’ll harbor regrets long past the time when I’m young enough (in mind, body, or spirit) to do something about those regrets.
As for my actual regrets, the biggest one that comes to mind is going to law school. I hated it at the time, hate paying for it still (loans), but most of all, I hate that feeling that I squandered three years of my early 20s. If a genie showed up and granted me one do-over, erasing law school would be the one I choose.
Loved this. My do over is raising my kids. I would love to raise them with the attention I pay my grandchildren. I was devoted to John Steinbeck and wrote him many many letters when I was 14 and was thrilled to get a response from his editor Elizabeth Otis kindly telling me he has received and enjoyed my letters but was very busy. ! lie or truth it didn't matter I was thrilled. My friend at the time was writing PAT BOONE and I felt quite superior. ha!
What would I do over? I'd want to relive the experience, not redo it. In 1976 I co-founded a women's theatre company with my best friend and playwriting collaborator. Every one of the women involved I've spoken with over the years speaks of those four years we had together as if they were magical. I believe they were. It was fun, thrilling, and fulfilling to create live theater for an audience starved for what we offered. We worked together in collective, the only collective I've been involved with that was fun, not a chore. We loved our work, we loved each other, and we loved our community. We were having so much fun, I think we believed (I know I did) that we could create that experience again. I came to Portland and founded the Portland Women's Theatre. My friends Ba and Kaye went to Austin and formed a women's theatre company there. Not the same in either case. What we created in Kansas City Missouri (Actors' Sorority) can't be replicated, because times and people have changed.
I blame Cher for my obsession with do-overs as a child.
@diabecker addressed this in her most recent newsletter and I’ve thought of the possibilities myself. Maybe science fiction I s right and there are alternate universes where all our choices are playing out, ones where we’re happier or more miserable. We can never know and it is torture to think of what might be better. The only thing we can do is pick up from this timeline and make the best of it. We can start anew here and change the course of this timeline.
The do-over that presses me now is my first born. She was a DREAM baby and I want to roll the tape back to experience her again. She’s 10 now and almost as tall as me but I still get snapshots of that baby face that remind me.
Thank you for this deeply inspiring piece. Your words on your platform have helped make my life better. It is a blessing.
Wonderful piece
I suspect that I have read everything a few of my favourite authors have written, but I honestly don’t know, because I don’t keep track of my reading life in that way. I also don’t really approach it that way, if that makes sense. These days, I go at it in the same haphazard, mood-driven way I do most things.
When I was a kid, though, I was definitely more capable of that kind of devotion to a single author. I distinctly recall attempting to read every single Agatha Christie novel when I was in my early teens, and if I didn’t succeed, I’m sure I came very close to it.
One of my 2023 goals/projects is to be a completist on a couple of authors, Susan Meissner and Sara Ackerman (and maybe others). I think Sara has 5-6 books, so that won't be a problem, but Susan has 20ish books which will be a little more difficult. Before she started writing historical fiction, she wrote contemporary fiction and mystery. Some of those books are old enough that they aren't on Libby at any of the library cards that I have. A few are on Kindle Unlimited, so I've already read a few of hers that I found there. I'm not really into buying an older books in either Kindle or paper format just so I can say "I completed all her books," so her books may not be quite completed. But for the ones I do read, I know I'll enjoy them because I've read a couple of her HF books in the past and can't wait to read all of them.
I so get this and have learned over time, to always move ahead, try new things, and even if afraid to forge ahead with positive change
That quote from your loved one hit hard. I was struggling with a similar feeling toward the end of last year and it took some conversations with friends and family, some journaling, and a whole hell of a lot of thinking to get to a better place with it.
Life has no reverse, just forward and stop. That is why we write. We can tear up a story and start again as Elizabeth says. Pondering life is like lying on your back, on a blanket, on One Tree Hill in Wembley, where I grew up, staring at the night sky trying to see infinity, holding hands with my distant cousin Caroline when we were both 12/13. It made our brains ache, but we had one another. One of my forever moments. I am with Sandra 100%.
Great post! I’ve never been a huge fan of the do-over story, but maybe that’s because I’ve mostly encountered it in film, rather than books. Those films always struck me as a little silly. Or, maybe they just weren’t my genre.
But reading this post forced me to focus on the theme underneath (or is it behind) the do-over fantasy: regret. Stories about regret resonate with me, and this should come as no surprise, they resonate more as I grow older.
In fact, as a middle aged person, I find myself increasingly drawn to older friends and family as I try to figure out how they managed to accumulate more regrets than satisfaction, and how those decisions made them bitter in their old age. I see these as cautionary tales. One of my biggest fears is that I’ll harbor regrets long past the time when I’m young enough (in mind, body, or spirit) to do something about those regrets.
As for my actual regrets, the biggest one that comes to mind is going to law school. I hated it at the time, hate paying for it still (loans), but most of all, I hate that feeling that I squandered three years of my early 20s. If a genie showed up and granted me one do-over, erasing law school would be the one I choose.