The do-over fantasy revisited
The desire, the reality, the stories
Before we begin…
If you had the chance to live one day of your life over again, which would you pick and what made you want to go back? Would you want it to play out in exactly the same way or would you want some things to be different?
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Revisiting the recent past
A little over a year ago, we talked about the things we’d like to do over and explored the more realistic but equally as challenging effort of starting over. With the Spark community more than double in size since then, I found myself wondering where it might take us if we revisited the whole concept of the do-over fantasy. Or, perhaps I’m just still feeling the effects of Groundhog Day, a day that marks one of the biggest new starts I’ve ever made.
In this issue, I’ve updated last year’s post with a new read or two, a progress report on the manuscript I started over back then, and a brand new “Moment of Zen” from subscriber Kelly D. I encourage you to check out the original post for some good books and a great, sometimes poignant, discussion in the comments section. Then, share your do-over story whether it is a fantasy or a real-life attempt to “get it right” the second, third, or however many times around it took. Or, if you have started over in any way - - how has that journey gone?
And if you missed last week’s post and are wondering if you need a little more face-to-face time with folks, here’s “The Human Touch.”
What about Eve?
Have we talked about my obsession with the do-over before? We’ve certainly talked around it. The lure of the “do-over” fantasy is powerful and, I suspect, has been torturing humans since the dawn of time. Consider, for example, the part of Eve’s story left out of the book of Genesis. You can’t tell me that Eve didn’t spend a lot of sleepless nights reliving that moment when she gave into the snake and chomped down that apple.
Dig down to the roots of my most frequent do-over fantasies and you will certainly find regret along with a side of shame: the words I wish I could eat, the patience I failed to exhibit, the drinks I wished I’d refused, the opportunity I’d failed to seize.
There are moments, though, that I would love to live over again just as they unfolded. The birth of my son. Both of my weddings - the one that failed and the one that continues to thrive and to nourish me. The day I graduated from college. The moment I learned a large publisher wanted my first novel. A few others. I would love to relive the sense of possibility in each of these moments, that sense that I’d found my place in this world.
Perhaps, though, the more interesting question is how to go on when there is no possibility of a do-over. This was the underlying question that drove my first novel and continues to rear its head in the one I’m working on now. In the first book, the desire for a do-over is driven by regret but, in this one, the story is driven mostly by possibility for something new, a change that arrives unexpectedly and not at all in the form that anyone expected. The underlying question in this novel asks if there is a point when one is too old, too scared, too jaded to make that change.
A person I love faced this question about five years ago. After launching and relaunching his business, his relationships, and moving from a place he thought was home to another place he hoped would become home, he wondered if he had what it took.
“I don’t know how many new starts I have left in me,” he said.
In the absence of a do-over, the best most of us can hope for is the opportunity to start again, make new beginnings on the ashes or the foundation of what came before. It’s hard work, perhaps the hardest there is. Ask anyone who keeps choosing to be sober even after many relapses. Ask the refugee who has no home to return to and must find a new one in a country that does not welcome her. Ask the widow who must rebuild her life as she grieves.
“I don’t know how many new starts I have left in me,” he said.
I saw all this much more clearly when, this week, I opened a new blank document and began to write my second novel from the beginning. The real questions emerged in sharper focus. The parts I knew I needed were still fresh in my mind. If I needed anything from the old draft, it was right there like a security blanket. This new version will be new but it will reflect what I’ve learned from the thousands of words I am now letting go and the few that are good enough to keep.
[Update: I finished that “new” draft and began the revision process this week. I’m looking forward to talking with you more about how this worked for me and how, at times, it didn’t.]
I didn’t know that I would be doing this. Before Christmas, I would have said yes to a genie if she’d offered me the chance to go back a few years, before I’d chosen to write this book with these characters and these questions. I would have said yes if the genie had offered me the chance to go even further back in time and let me be born without the desire to write.
But, no genie. No do-over. Only the results of the choices I’ve made so far and the chance to make new ones. I’ll take it.
What about you?
If a genie came along and granted you one chance at a do-over, would you take it? What would you do over? And how would you do it differently? Then there is simply starting over which has challenges all its own. What can you share about starting over from your own experience?
What to read in honor of Groundhog Day
For the past few years, fellow #BookStacker
over at What to read if… has honored the theme of the movie Groundhog Day by recommending “time-loop” books in which the protagonists find themselves looping back in time in order to find their way to the end of their journeys. This year, she recommends Mike Chen’s A Quantum Love Story. Check out her take by clicking below. And then, travel even further back to find the time-loop books she reviewed in 2021, 2022, and 2023 (this last one is Emma Straub’s This Time Tomorrow which I loved, having come upon it when I was doing a little time traveling myself).
If you’re looking for more reads that play with time, do-overs, and new starts, check out these: “Starting Over: Two Novels, A Memoir, and How One Writer Chucked it All.”
Spark is Yours: Chime In
Have you just finished a book you loved? Tell us about it. Got a great resource for readers or writers? Share away! How about sharing your bookstack with us, that tower of tomes rising next to your bed or your bath or wherever you keep the books you intend to read – someday. And if you stumbled on a Moment of Zen, show us what moved you, made you laugh, or just created a sliver of light in an otherwise murky world. You can share in the comments, reply to this email, or email me at elizabethmarro@substack.com.
How to support Spark
Spark comes to you free each week and will continue to do so. A number of you, however, have expressed a desire to support my work more directly. I appreciate that more than I can say. So, I have set up subscriptions on Substack ($5/month or $35/year) as well as a link that will allow single contributions of any amount via PayPal.
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Thank you for being here!
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If you’ve just subscribed, thank you so much for being here. If you would like to check out past issues, here’s a quick link to the archives. Be sure to check out our Resources for Readers and Writers too where you will find links for readers, book clubs, writers, and writing groups. And if you’d like to browse for your next read, don’t forget to check out books by authors in our community at the Spark Author Page which will be updated with new names and books for next week’s issue. Another great source: the many wonderful reviews you’ll find among the #Bookstackers.
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Ciao for now!
Gratefully,
Betsy
P.S. And now, your moment of Zen…daybreak in Mundaka, Spain
“It was our first morning there. I was the only one up and was enjoying both my coffee alone with the sunrise and the promise of a vacation day with my two favorite people.” - Subscriber Kelly D.
Calling for Your Contribution to “Moment of Zen”
What is YOUR moment of Zen? Send me your photos, a video, a drawing, a song, a poem, or anything with a visual that moved you, thrilled you, calmed you. Or just cracked you up. This feature is wide open for your own personal interpretation.
Come on, go through your photos, your memories or just keep your eyes and ears to the ground and then share. Send your photos/links, etc. to me by replying to this email or simply by sending to: elizabethmarro@substack.com. The main guidelines are probably already obvious: don’t hurt anyone -- don’t send anything that violates the privacy of someone you love or even someone you hate, don’t send anything divisive, or aimed at disparaging others. Our Zen moments are to help us connect, to bond, to learn, to wonder, to share -- to escape the world for a little bit and return refreshed.
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I would go back to the day I fell in love with my husband and our wedding day and lots of days when the kids were little just to hold them face to face again, in my arms, to smell their skin…to play with them.
In 1972 the newspaper I was writing for, the old Boston Herrald Traveler, folded. I applied for work at the Boston Globe, and also--a long shot since I had no advanced degree, a two-year gig teaching journalism at the University of NH. I vowed that if offers came, I would take the one that came first. UNH beat the globe by less than 24 hours, and I took the job. Had the Globe offer come first, I would have taken it. And my life would have been completely different. But I have never looked back. The two years turned into a 43-year teaching career, which I loved. And I continued to write. Favorite multiple lives novel: Kate Atkinson's masterpiece, "Life After Life."