Is being here enough?

Amy Krouse Rosenthal's Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life

Before we begin…

If someone were to seek out evidence that you existed, what might they find? Does it matter to you? Is being here enough?

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So, here’s what happened

Each issue of Spark usually comes about in one of two ways: an idea I planted sometimes months ago on google docs is suddenly ready for harvesting, or the most recent book I’ve read sparks (see what I did there) a thought or two that presses for attention. Last week, for example, the gift of a book about books that were gifts seemed like the perfect thing to share. This week, I really really intended to write something about the ten Dickens novels I’ve read as part of what has become an unplanned immersion project.

Instead, I can’t stop thinking about a book I’ve wanted since it came out in 2005 and finally received this past Christmas: Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. In it, she used the structure of an encyclopedia to organize memories, observations, discoveries, and snatches of insight which are often funny. The key here are the sentences that follow the title, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, on the cover of the book:

Krouse’s format reflects more accurately how many of us live our lives. There is no straight line and, often, no coherent plot. There are days, moments, flashes of understanding, growing, thinking, sharing, loving, struggling that begin when we are kids and last a lifetime. Poignant insights mash up with the mundane. Oh yeah, I found myself thinking when I read this entry:

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

“Amy is constantly filled with questions. Life seems extremely confusing, complex, layered. Is sure that adults attend a kind of convention where they are given all the answers, let in on subtle truths. She thinks that she will never be able to utter a statement, to speak and not have it be a question.” - Amy Krouse Rosenthal, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.

And this:

GAS TANK

“Every. Single. Solitary. Time I go to get gas I have to lean out the window to see which side of the car the gas tank is on.” - Amy Krouse Rosenthal, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.

Krouse may be known to you already because of her work as an artist and writer who wrote children’s books and produce innovative projects that brought people together around art. Or, she may be known to you as the author of the memorable Modern Love column she wrote for the New York Times, “You May Want To Marry My Husband,” when she was dying of ovarian cancer. She died ten days after it was published. She was fifty-one. [Thank you to Spark subscriber

Sandra de Helen

for the gift link to this piece. If you are not able to access it, ask a friend with a NYT subscription to help you out.]

Which makes the last page of Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life even more poignant. This page alone is reason to read this little book. It is a single entry under “Y” for “You,” a future reader. Reading it, my own very ordinary life flashed before my eyes. Even though the book is her story, I felt seen.

Final entry from Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s Encylopedia of an Ordinary Life

With apologies (and thanks) to the memory of Amy Krouse Rosenthal…

I decided to write this week’s post by imagining excerpts related to the past week from the encyclopedia of my very ordinary life. I liked doing it so much that this may be how I keep a journal from now on. Snatches of encyclopedia may even be a recurring feature in future newsletters. It doesn’t seem wrong to do this; Krouse herself lived her life by sharing it in art and words and action. This is me, catching the baton along with all the others inspired by her work, and letting the world know we were here.

A

AGAIN, THINGS I WOULD DO/NOT DO

In general I am happy with the way things have turned out but there are definitely things I would do again and things that I would just as soon skip – as long as skipping them didn’t alter my current, happy, situation. [See also, B, Butterflies, we are all] Here are a few things I would do again and things I would avoid:

AWAKE, THINGS YOU THINK OF WHEN TOU ARE

• When I wake up at three or four in the morning, I immediately try not to think. This is, of course, a mistake. The harder I try not to think, the more I think. Sometimes I think of good things: ideas for this newsletter, stuff that would be easy to let go of and make me feel like I’m finally getting around to decluttering the house, things I want to say the next time I talk to my friend on the phone but then other thoughts come in, not so nice, and then the dog has a bad dream, and then I nod out just long enough to forget all the things I thought of when I was awake. Then I wake up again and it’s time to get up. [See also Brain, things that try to kill you]

F

FICTION

• It doesn’t matter how many times I tell my son that the character in my first novel was not based on him. He will not believe me. To this date, he has never actually read the book itself.

FORD, HARRISON

• My husband and just finished re-watching both seasons of Shrinking because we liked it so much the first time. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Harrison Ford’s face. My brother always looked a lot like him — we always told him this — and was a lot like the character Ford plays in the show: a good, kind, grumpy, sometimes antisocial but always loving man. Harrison Ford is 82. If he’s lucky, he will turn 83 on July 13 which is also my birthday. My brother, who was not lucky, died a year ago this month. His birthday was July 10. He was sixty-seven. I miss him every day. It’s not fair, I know, but I’m a little mad at Harrison Ford. Sometimes I’m a little mad at my brother too.

G

GROUNDHOG DAY

• Groundhog Day is the name of a movie starring Bill Murray in which he must live the day over and over again until he gets it right. This day is also the anniversary of my second marriage, the one I got right, and it is the anniversary of my first (and so far only) novel’s publication. A good date in my life, on the whole. [See also: Again, things I would do]

H

HEADLINES

• The headlines at the top of the home pages of all major news outlets rarely lead to clarity about my future but if I scroll down, I will find articles that offer insights or concrete answers to questions I never thought to ask: “Why middle aged people have a duty to be self-centered” (Guardian), or “This Gigantic Margaritaville Mixer Elevates All My Happy Hours” (New York Times), “Be Patient and Don’t Be Intimidated by Growing a Bonsai” (San Diego Union Tribune). There are also recipes for foods that take only a half hour to prepare like this sheet pan frittata. I don’t always know what to make of this arrangement. The effect can be jarring. On the one hand, a coup is underway in our country’s capital and there appears to be little or no resistance. On the other, I am told that scientists have “cracked” the solution to the perfect boiled egg. For a moment, I actually have to think about which to click on first. [Note: you may not be able to open these links without a subscription. My current subscription status is in flux.]

M

Monday

• Monday is my favorite day of the week. When I was a kid in school, I used to dread Mondays. I still dreaded them when I started working. I used to start hating Mondays on Sunday night so Mondays ruined Sundays too. But now on Sunday night I can’t wait to go to bed because when I wake up it will be the beginning of a new week full of possibility. There are no tests or homework deadlines. I will not have to don pantihose or pants with a buttoned waist. No bad decisions have been made yet. No matter how hard I’ve worked over the weekend, the week-ometer flips and we are back to blank-slate state come Monday morning. This makes me happier than I can say.

MEALS

• I like breakfast. I love lunch. I am ambivalent-to-negative regarding dinner. It’s too much work and too much food at the end of the day when I just want to eat a bowl of popcorn with lemon squeezed over it in front of the television. These days we usually break around 1 pm and enjoy a civilized meal. We take turns cooking or do it together. We talk. We aren’t tired. I don’t know why but something magical happens when we pause for a nice meal in the middle of the day.

MOIST

• Many people dislike the word “moist.” I am not one of them. We need a word to describe that condition of being wet but not too wet. I concede, however, that though I am fine with the word, “moist,” I am less comfortable with the condition itself. A dewy sheen on my drying skin: great. A moist bathing suit clinging to my body: disgusting.

P

PAIN

Pain is what your body uses to tell you things. Sometimes this is useful. When you pick up a skillet without a potholder the searing pain in your fingers is a reminder never to do that again. The utility of pain in the foot, knee, elbows, fingers, wrists, shoulder is less clear. Mainly these pains which move around or sometimes combine in a symphony of hurt are breaking the news to you that you are slowly falling apart. Time is having its way with you. You think of the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, running of oil, freezing with rust. But it’s not like the skillet. There is no measure you can take to prevent this pain from ever happening again. It’s just part of your life now. You understand that you must keep moving. Even if it hurts. [See Patches]

PATCHES

Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/467459636307366516/

Patches used to be a thing in the Seventies. Jeans with patches looked lived in, cool. Patches turned jackets into wearable art. These days I put adhesive pain patches on my shoulder, knee, neck, wrists, feet. Some mornings when I take off my pajamas and look in the mirror I wonder if patches are the only things holding me together.

PEDICURE

Months go by and I barely think about my toes. They are hidden in my giant black and white Hokas that make me feel as though I’m riding the surface of the earth while trying to balance on the backs of two orcas. Then I remember how nice it was to sit side-by-side with my stepdaughter and talk while a stranger stripped the dead skin off my soles, clipped my nails, and turned my toes from afterthoughts to a happy surprise whenever I walk barefoot into the shower. So I go down to the local nail salon by myself and realize that even though the nails come out just fine, it’s not the same. Some things are just better with people I love.

PURSE

There are days when no matter how many times I look in my purse for my keys, I can’t find them. Ditto for my blue reading glasses and my wallet. Yet, when my husband looks inside, there they are. This is infuriating.

T

TYLER, ANNE

A writer who has written me two personal notes. The first was a gentle “no” to my request for a blurb for my first novel along with a kind remark about looking forward to reading it when it came out. The second came after I sent her a copy to read. I still tear up every time I read it. I hope it does not violate her privacy to share it here:

W

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

This is something people ask after they’ve gone on for a while and begin to wonder what the encyclopedia of your life might include. In fact, this is me, now, wondering if you would give it a try and share it with us. Some prompts for you to consider:

• Thing/people/places/road signs/customs/situations that, delight, infuriate, puzzle, confuse

• When I was young, I thought/believed/imagined/didn’t care, etc.

• Favorite word, beverage, age, place

• N as in NOW: what are you noticing this minute as you look around you?

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Two more things

The website for the foundation inspired by Amy Krouse Rosenthal contains a five-minute video that is really lovely. I also loved this response to her Modern Love Essay from her husband who wrote his own essay a year later. If you’re looking for something meaningful to read or do on Valentine’s Day, you may find something in each of these things. [Thank you to Spark subscriber

Sandra de Helen

for providing this guest link to the piece. If you can’t access it and don’t have a NYT subscription. I urge you to ask a friend for a gift link!]

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Tyler, Coburn: new books for your TBR

• I’ve just finished an advance copy of Anne Tyler’s her 25th and most recent novel, Three Days in June which comes out on Tuesday, February 11. Fans of Tyler will immediately recognize the skill with which she reveals how little people truly know themselves. Focused on a a Baltimore family and a wedding, the story is tight, often funny, always sure-footed as she takes us into the familiar, yet surprising world of human beings.

• In December of 2022, we interviewed Jennifer Coburn about her timely, fascinating novel, Cradles of the Reich, about women forced to carry babies to populate German with Aryan children. In The Girls of the Glimmer Factory, launched on January 25, Coburn follows some of the same characters to explore resistance, friendship, and the dangers of propaganda, based on the real story of the Nazi "show camp" Theresienstadt.

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From the Spark Community: A short story about a long walk

Spark subscriber

Amy Wallen

is a novelist, memoirist, teacher, and legendary baker of pies. She was never much of a walker. Then she discovered what she was capable of, along with other surprises, when she joined last November’s three-day, sixty-mile Susan B. Komen walk here in San Diego. Here is her story.

Along with the published authors who are subscribers to Spark, I’d love to highlight short-form work from this community whenever I can. If you are a subscriber and have some published stories, book reviews, essays, cartoons, art, or photos, you’d like to share, send a link! You can hit reply on this or any newsletter in your inbox, or send it to me at elizabethmarro@substack.com.

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Ciao for now!

Gratefully yours,

Betsy

P.S. And now, your moment of Zen…F: FEBRUARY

Austin Kleon

has written a book called Steal Like An Artist. I felt like I was following his advice as I “remixed and reimagined” the work of Amy Krouse Rosenthal this week. He shared this clip his weekly newsletter containing ten things he found “worth sharing.” This video of journalist Kevin Killeen is better than any clip of Punksutawney Phil to watch in February and it is more nourishing than a chocolate heart. He tells us why this month of the year is so difficult for many and yet, in a way, so necessary.

Calling for Your Contribution to “Moment of Zen”:

What is YOUR moment of Zen? Send me your photos, a video, a drawing, a song, a poem, or anything with a visual that moved you, thrilled you, calmed you. Or just cracked you up. This feature is wide open for your own personal interpretation.

Come on, go through your photos, your memories or just keep your eyes and ears to the ground and then share. Send your photos/links, etc. to me by replying to this email or simply by sending to: elizabethmarro@substack.com. The main guidelines are probably already obvious: don’t hurt anyone -- don’t send anything that violates the privacy of someone you love or even someone you hate, don’t send anything divisive, or aimed at disparaging others. Our Zen moments are to help us connect, to bond, to learn, to wonder, to share -- to escape the world for a little bit and return refreshed.

I can’t wait to see what you send!

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