Happiness: A Side Effect or Goal?
Let's talk about that and quotes from books that stick with you
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Let’s Talk: Happiness And Quotes That Stick With You
Is happiness a goal or a side effect?
What was the last idea or quote from a book that got under your skin, made you sit up and take notice, or helped the world make more sense?
What’s going on here
This week, I’m going to shut up (mostly) and invite you to fill in the blanks. As I mentioned with the inaugural “Let’s talk” question, I’ll be doing this once a month - introducing a question or a prompt and seeing where it takes us. Instead of lots of links, I’ll just offer a few and try to leave a little space for you to jump in.
“Stop making happiness some kind of concrete goal. It’s a side effect. It’s a secondary happening, but not the main event. Happiness is what you feel when you’ve been kind, fair, or loving in the face of hardness. It is the feeling of light that comes after behaving in the way you ultimately want.” -Ann Garvin, I Like You Just Fine When You’re Not Around.”
I came across this quote during a three-day escape from the normal routine this week. To celebrate my husband’s very significant birthday, we visited his daughter and her husband to hang out and eat cheesecake. I’d brought lots of work with me for those few minutes when I might be able to scratch a few words out, study for my next Italian lesson, and just generally keep up with my idea of myself as a person with her own little life outside that of the one she shares with other people and dogs.
I scratched out zero words. I read no Italian. Neither the television nor the shows on my iPad called my name. Instead I picked up my long-ignored Kindle and opened Ann Garvin’s book I Like You Just Fine When You’re Not Around. I’d bought it way back in 2016 because the title spoke to me. I’d never read it all the way through but for some reason, the two nights in our hotel room were perfect for this engaging, not-too-heavy story about a therapist with relationship issues and a keen sense of humor. I didn’t expect to think about it much after I finished but I have been. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about this idea of happiness as a side-effect not a goal.
I’ve been feeling happy lately. After more than two years or more of dragging around a sense of dread heavier than Marley’s chains, I haven’t struggled as much for contentment or serenity. I am busier. I’m using my body more, and asking more of my mind, patience and heart yet it doesn’t feel as difficult. I attribute some of this to bringing two young dogs who require attention and force me to be both more open, active, and more efficient with my energy and time. My writing, this week notwithstanding, has been going better. But beyond that, I don’t know exactly why I’ve been visited with more happiness. I do know I wasn’t aiming for it in a specific way. But, in this society where the “pursuit of happiness” is written into the document that launched our nation, isn’t happiness the thing we chase whether we write it down or not?
Let’s talk about this. I’m interested in what you think about this take on happiness. But I’d also like to ask you about coming upon a sentence or idea in a book or essay that just works its way under your skin and itches until you pay attention to it. Or maybe you have come upon a few words that bring the world into focus for a while. Please, share it!
While you’re mulling that over, here are a few fun links to add a little zip to your summer reading.
Fun Finds for Your Summer Reading
Thanks to Caitlin Dewey I came across this fun little tool to uncover books set where I live. Tip: don’t rely on your zip code. Instead, use the drop down menu to the right to find your city and state. This brought me back to the great discussion we had when we talked about books set in places were we were going and where we were living in Going Home, Going Away. I’ve added this to our Resources for Readers and Book Clubs.
Before the end of the summer, I will read at least one graphic novel for the first time in my life. I will pull it from this wonderful list assembled by Nia Carnelio. I invite you to join me or, even better, tell me about a graphic novel we should all have on our TBR lists.
If you’re a writer looking for some books to inspire, guide, or just remind you of what you already know, here’s a great list of 18 books from TOR.COM. It’s been added to our Resources for Writers and Writing Groups.
What We’ve Read (So Far)
Last week I asked you to share the top three books you’ve read in the first half of 2022. There were some great reads in there. To see them, check the comments in last week’s issue. You’ll find great ones including classics like Sandra Cisneros’ The House on Mango Street and new indie reads with original takes on historical figures like Leslie Nack’s very fun The Blue Butterfly: A Novel of Marion Davies. I’ve added several of the books mentioned to my TBR list including Lily King’s Writers and Lovers, another one of those authors and books I keep hearing about and meaning to read.
My top three so far include Tessa Hadley’s Married Love, Oliver Burkeman’s 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, and Bernd Heinrich’s Life Everlasting which introduced me to the “nature’s undertakers” and the particularly fascinating adaptations of the dung beetle. I also finally began to read Olivia Butler beginning with Wild Seed, Kindred, and Parable of the Sower.
I’m reading more slowly this year than in past years. With half the year behind me, I’ve finished only 18 books, far behind the book a week I normally manage. If you’d like to check out this list, just click here.
Before signing off, I want to welcome all new subscribers. It’s thrilling to to find new folks on board each day. If you would like to check out past issues, here’s a quick link to the archives. Be sure to check out our Resources for Readers and Writers too.
Sunday, tomorrow, is both Juneteenth and Father’s Day. If you are celebrating, I wish you a day full of meaning and love.
That’s it for this week. Let me know your thoughts, dreams, how you are, and most of all what you are reading. Most of the books can or soon will be found at the Spark Community Recommendations page on bookshop.org where every sale supports local bookstores. Any commission we raise will support a literacy program selected by the community. I’ll update you soon on this.
Ciao for now,
Gratefully,
Betsy
P.S. And now, your moment of Zen…how many parrots do you see?
Thank you to new subscriber, Jolie K for this week’s moment of Zen, and I must tell you, it’s not only beautiful, it’s a challenge. She writes: “I was sitting in my backyard yesterday evening and 7 parrots landed in my apple tree to feast.”
I can find five. How many do you see?
Calling for Your Contribution to “Moment of Zen”
What is YOUR moment of Zen? Send me your photos, a video, a drawing, a song, a poem, or anything with a visual that moved you, thrilled you, calmed you. Or just cracked you up. This feature is wide open for your own personal interpretation.
Come on, go through your photos, your memories or just keep your eyes and ears to the ground and then share. Send your photos/links, etc. to me by replying to this email or simply by sending to: elizabethmarro@substack.com. The main guidelines are probably already obvious: don’t hurt anyone -- don’t send anything that violates the privacy of someone you love or even someone you hate, don’t send anything divisive, or aimed at disparaging others. Our Zen moments are to help us connect, to bond, to learn, to wonder, to share -- to escape the world for a little bit and return refreshed.
I can’t wait to see what you send!
And remember, If you like what you see or it resonates with you, please take a minute to click the heart ❤️ below - it helps more folks to find us!
I've been keeping track for years now of quotes that really hit me from books I've read. I loved the book The Old Man by Thomas Perry, which has been on my mind lately since FX has put out a series based on the book. Here's what stuck with me from the book:
“What many people seemed not to remember was that a human being who got up under his own power on even one morning and saw the sun and had food to eat was a very lucky animal. Knowing that each day was a life in itself had led him to make a thousand good decisions.”
First, I recommend "Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic" by Alison Bechdel. I just re-read it for the second time, and it's not only a brilliant memoir, but also a literary delight. And here's a quote from it: “My research was stimulating but solitary” which is something I think a lot of writers can relate to.