A Selfish Thing

That saves and nourishes, even when it causes guilt

“Writing feels very much like a selfish act. At least for me. It saves me, but also it's a selfish thing.” - Nikki Dolson

In this issue:

• The price of doing what you love: a little taste of our interview with Nikki Dolson, the first writer in an occasional series of interviews exploring the writer’s journey. Read the whole thing now by clicking HERE.

• Vaccine envy

• A few good things to read and watch

Nikki Dolson

The price of doing what you love

I spent the better part of two days of this week going over and writing up an interview I conducted with Nikki Dolson three weeks ago. I hadn’t seen her since we met at Oakland airport the fall of 2015. We had a lot to catch up on.

Then, we were two strangers who’d connected to carpool to a Writers By Writers workshop in Tomales Bay. I drove and she navigated but after the first polite hellos and making it to a long stretch with no turns, we turned to talking: about writing, about Pam Houston who would lead the workshop group we were in, and about books we were reading. This was the first time either of us had attended something like this — nearly five full days working on our writing, meeting other writers, permitting ourselves to think about nothing but writing. The rental car reverberated with energy, anticipation, and nerves. There were no guarantees that anything tangible would come out of that weekend, nothing that would easily justify the expense or the time away from home or work. All it might do is nourish the writing we both loved and wanted to do better.

I thought about that again when Nikki answered a question I put to her: what has writing cost you? What price have you paid to be a writer? Her answer came almost immediately. Guilt, she said, the feeling that she was doing something that could be viewed as selfish, that took time away from her children and intruded on her work leading to longer hours to make sure she was doing her day job well.

Yet, just as quickly, she also said that writing saves her, makes her happy even when it comes hard, even when she gets caught in the business problems of her publisher or finds herself exposed to judgment on social media.

As I worked on the interview, I found myself thinking about the tension that exists between the desire to create and commitments to family and work. I couldn’t do all three, it turns out. Most of my writing happened after my son was grown and even more happened after I left my day job behind. I couldn’t have done it as early as I did without a partner who was willing to make his own sacrifices. Nikki Dolson is still in the thick of the conflict. She writes on the margins of her days, she writes in bed, she writes on her phone for god’s sake. She writes however and whenever she can. She writes to get published, sure. But she also writes to get better. She writes because she is happiest when that is what she is doing.

Nikki’s energy for what she loves poured through on our Zoom call and into me. I hope a little of it finds its way to you. To read our whole interview, click HERE or on the photo below of Nikki wearing one of her famous retro prints.

“I want to wear what fits me, not what I fit into” - Author Nikki Dolson

Vaccine Envy

When the Covid-19 vaccines began to roll out here in San Diego I got excited. Even with some of the confusion about who would be eligible and the supply concerns, I thought: finally, it’s happening. I think part of me believed that their arrival meant that soon, everything would be over.

This is not unlike the irrational thinking that overtook me when I was in labor with my son such a long time ago. I remember thinking once we got to the hospital, the baby would come and the pain would stop. That didn’t happen.

Things are going more or less as promised — getting to everyone will take time. I don’t make the cut-off for this first round leaving me in the weird position of wishing I were older for once, a few months is all I need. The good news is that my husband has his first shot and will soon, we hope, get his second. Many loved friends have theirs but many others are still waiting. So I guess the end is not quite in sight. It’s okay. At least I’m not in labor.

One short read

Here’s an essay that I loved by Amy Wallen. “Step on a Crack” explores the fierce, sometimes competitive love between a writer and her mother and the shift in power between them over time.

And five long reads

All the books mentioned by Nikki Dolson in her interview are listed below and are, when possible, available on bookshop.org through the Spark Community Recommendations Link. They include Patricia Highsmith’s stories, Under a Dark Angel’s Eye. George Saunders’ A Swim in the Pond in the Rain, Matthew Salesses’ Craft in the Real World,  Cowboys Are My Weakness (Pam Houston) and The Girl’s Guide to Hunting and Fishing (Melissa Bank).

Midnight Diner is a delicate treat

These days, we approach television as though it were a meal. Sometimes we want a long story. Sometimes we only want to snack endlessly on sitcoms like a bag of corn chips. Sometimes we stumble on the right mix of old, new (to us), short and long. Here is a show that we’ve fallen in love with but the best way to view it is not to binge.  It’s best to view Midnight Diner as a starter, perhaps or a small treat and a buffer between a noisy movie and bed. Each episode runs only 20 minutes or so.

The gist: a quiet, mysterious man known only as “Master” runs a small diner in Shinjuku, a part of Tokyo, that is open from midnight to seven in the morning. He says very little but somehow each customer leaves with something they need and it is not just food. The music in the opening credits is haunting and lovely. Every episode closes with a quick look at how to make a dish that appeared in that episode. Comes with subtitles.

That’s it for this week. Let me know how you are and what you are reading. I love hearing from you in the comments section or by email. If you have ideas for more interviews or features for Spark, please let me know. In the meantime, be well, wear a mask, stay safe and even if you do get vaccinated before me, I love you anyway.

Oh, and you can help spread the word by sharing this post with friends and inviting them to subscribe. It’s free. It’s often fun. It’s worth it.

Gratefully,

Betsy

P.S. And now, your moment of Zen…An eyeful of the Nile from Sandra de Helen, San Diego

Calling for Your Contribution to “Moment of Zen”

What is YOUR moment of Zen? Send me your photos, a video, a drawing, a song, a poem, or anything with a visual that moved you, thrilled you, calmed you. Or just cracked you up. This feature is wide open for your own personal interpretation.

Come on, go through your photos, your memories or just keep your eyes and ears to the ground and then share. Send your photos/links, etc. to me by replying to this email or simply by sending to: elizabethmarro@substack.com. The main guidelines are probably already obvious: don’t hurt anyone  -- don’t send anything that violates the privacy of someone you love or even someone you hate, don’t send anything divisive, or aimed at disparaging others. Our Zen moments are to help us connect, to bond, to learn, to wonder, to share -- to escape the world for a little bit and return refreshed. 

I can’t wait to see what you send!